A Life Begun Elsewhere
Was it here? Was it in some other state or nation? Maybe it was in a Galaxy Far, Far Away….? What difference does it make? Trying to determine my provenance beyond being born at 4 am in Brooklyn about 40 yrs ago in June is
pointless. Why would I care? Aside from a disturbing genetic disorder that I would have been better off knowing about this has worked out fantastic for me. The beginning of their story is an obsession for some adopted folk. I can’t imagine why.
Though some adoptions are totally open I can’t speak to that. I understand it’s the minority but everyone can benefit from my
thoughts on this, even if it just gives you a chance to think it through.
WHY YOU REALLY DON’T NEED TO
At some point some rather unpleasant things were done by 2 people in a darkened room (or car, whatever) and the result was a person. This is the same for everyone. The fact I had to hit several way-stations before I ended up with my ultimate parents is pretty immaterial. I have had a life good enough to make a movie about. Maybe even two. Not everyone ends up with an idyllic life in the burbs but I sure did. Even had I not had a pretty good childhood I don’t see how knowing the backstory would benefit me in any way.
The actual circumstances of my birth may well be absolutely horrible, what will that change? Or we may find out I was the result of a brilliant but ill-fated love affair. Would any of this benefit me? Aside from some kind of empathy for a stranger who only even comes to mind for 30 seconds on my birthday at most is wasted emotion. I would also be subject to the drudgery of remembering another set of birthdays and anniversaries.
If you’re crazy enough to over-focus on your back story you will only learn a variation of one thing- There was no way your genetic parents had a clue or the means to make even a half assed attempt at raising you. Adopting you out was the only good decision they made in this process and that was for the best, I mean, look how badly they fucked up in simply avoiding pregnancy!
What difference does it make how the car wreck started for your genetic parents? You were thrown clear. Drunk driving, brake failure, who cares? You weren’t driving. The bottom line was they were so irresponsible that they couldn’t complete the simple act of sex without preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Let’s not underestimate the fact that outside some statistical anomalies staying un-pregnant is not all that hard .After that they either decided against or waited too long to abort you. Judge them on this accordingly, you really do have the right to feel these assholes should never have bought you into this world. I have, it’s not a big deal. It also doesn’t change the fact you are stuck here and asked for it as much as the next person, which is to say ‘not at all’. Try looking at the present and future.
Personally were I contacted by a genetic parent I would not want to deal with it. I may even get a lawyer to keep them away. You GOT what you wanted- a pass on being a parent. You moved on, don’t mess my head up because you switched therapists or something you stupid flake. Hey, that’s just me, but who needs them short of organ donation???
YOU’RE ALREADY MORE INTERESTING THAN MOST PEOPLE
Remember- the most fascinating people are adopted. The plot for Questing hero stories MANDATES that the hero and/or sometimes the villain be ‘of mysterious birth’. King Arthur, Frodo Baggins, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker fit into the same category as you.
Creating you was such a bad idea they couldn’t even consider keeping you. So what’s that mean? Plain old physical attraction and love at first sight have a much higher chance of being YOUR origin, lovechild!! Many of us were the result of two people being so hot and attracted to each other it was an immediate and irresponsible physical affair, so your chances of being good looking are much, much higher. Let’s face they had to adopt you out, hooking up was never a good idea. So while we’re all born of lust, adopted people were even more so than others.