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We love to go to War here in the USA and we’re fucking awesome at blowing shit up. Sometimes, like when the Brits fucked with us or the Japanese attacked, its pretty righteous. Then there’s the Wars of Choice that we never needed to get involved in. Some were more justified than others.  Here’s some Pro’s & Con’s where I try to divine the most unnecessary or pointless from 3 to 1.

#3- Vietnam-

Tale of the Tape- We fought hard for a bunch of dicks running a corrupt democracy with no love from their own people. We also had no true reason to go. In fact even at no point during the war did the Viet Cong attack inside the US or anywhere really outside the theater of operations. Sure, they would take a quick shortcut through Cambodia or whatever, but they just didn’t try anything here.

Positives- Almost 20 years of War Weariness that kept World War 3 from going down, several Great War Movies (Full Metal Jacket being the best)

Honors/Accolades- Best Soundtrack of American War, Widespread Distrust of the Government and popularization of recreational drugs

Notable Negatives- America takes an ass kicking from a bunch of stone age commies with AK-47’s, the political career of John McCain, a generation of Domestic Terrorists, a generation of neglected homeless Vets making up the majority of Homeless Populations in every major city becomes National Disgrace for 2 decades, The ME Generation, War revealed to be a 10 Year Long Racist Atrocity Party where we basically attacked the shit out of the civilians too and many bad maudlin movies trying in vain to put the war in perspective.

 

#2- Desert Storm

Tale of the Tape- One despot invades the land of another. The United States decides to split hairs and make a global power play for oil by calling one worse than the other

Positives- None

Honors/Accolades- Dubbed “The Nintendo War”, very few combat losses, scared the fuck out the rest of the world for a decade with terrifying Gun Camera pics presented by Norman Schwartzkopf’ CNN becomes major provider of news with newly enhanced reputation

Notable Negatives- We poisoned 100,000 American soldiers by exposing everyone to massive amounts of radioactive ordinance, subjecting many to a chemical hell in Kuwait and Southern Iraq as they dealt with an environmental attack by Sadaam when he blew up as many oil wells as he could to cover his retreat. New Found American Arrogance would lead to future conflicts by creating stupid fiction that we could fight anyone painlessly, by remote control whenever we felt like it. A new Generation of Domestic Terrorists (Timothy McVeigh) Not to be forgotten- Motivating one Osama bin Laden to attack the United States with unprecedented Success on 9-11.

#1 Operation Iraqi Freedom

Tale of the Tape- All for Nothing. No WMD’s. Lots of casualties. Americans turned on and hated their leader, Dick Cheney and his enabler George W Bush. A new generation of Fucked Up Vets who will need a lot of help. Destruction of Americas World Reputation, Mass Brutalization of American Troops, Pointless attempts to unify what WILL be THREE COUNTRIES soon- Kurdistan, Iraq and Western Iran. Pouring Billions of Dollars into a black hole of non accountability. Currently under Re-Branding by Bush Apologists remaking it as a war to free the Iraqi People from Tyrant. The Office of President of the United States forever tarnished by yet another Bush having yet another pointless war against Iraq

Positives- Americans turned on and began hating their leader, Dick Cheney, and his enabler George W Bush. “Mission Accomplished” shows stage management at its worst and most obvious,  War Weariness that seems to be forcing an end to the Afghan Debacle as well. Proves that Life can be better and safer for the populace at large under a brutal dictator than after a US “Liberation” which may deter future pointless wars

Honors/Accolades- Most Obscure War since 1898 due to conscious ambivalence by the public and willful deception by the government. “Embedding” journalists with Military Units ensures complete vacuum of information In fact we’re still waiting to see more than 15 minutes worth of footage from this war. What war coverage there was was thanks mostly to Chelsea Manning releasing videos like the infamous video of a BBC crew being accidentally blown away by a US Attack Helicopter complete with “we kill people all day” commentary from the crew and ground control. No Welcom Home Parade of Consequence.

Negatives- A new generation of completely fucked up Vets who will need help for decades. “Mission Accomplished”. A lasting distrust of the Government so extreme that it has spawned the Conspiracy Industry (like Truthing and Info Wars). America revealed as Worlds Brutal Corrupt Policeman beating confessions out of our captured enemies, a new generation of Domestic Terrorists (like the scumbag Tsarnaev Boys)

What do you think our most pointless war was? The polls are open and comments are enabled!

 

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