Why I’m Not Seeing Star Wars The Last Jedi and You Shouldn’t Either!

Not a Review, a warning. UPDATED!

UPDATE- as everyone now knows, this turned out to be 20 bucks saved, what a piece of shit!

Well its December and time for another Star Wars movie. This time I’m not plunking down any money for what looks like a giant turd. Here’s why there’s no reason to see it before it hits video

  • The Rotten Tomatoes score is at 56% and falling. 40 points or so below the critic score.
  • Shape of Water looks pretty awesome. Seems like a better investment of 20episode-8-luke-skywalker dollars (Update- It was).
  • George Lucas has absolutely NOTHING to do with this. In fact, he’s not so sure these new movies will be any good and said so a long time ago. HE WILL get plenty of money though, which is overhead they have to pay for… by selling toys and other stuff that doesn’t help the movie. UPDATE – These toys are still around and now much cheaper even in 2022
  • Star Wars Stockholm Syndrome is real, I’ve seen it! It’s like this- You can’t really trust people who saw it and think its was ‘Pretty good” or “Still worth seeing.” They need to see it a second or third time to really believe its mediocre or even bad. This is fine with the Star Wars People. They have the easiest job ever. They CAN’T Fail. The fans just are overwhelmed by the advertising and the years of waiting. Most people’s perspective is shot by the time they walk in to see it. Its something like Stockholm Syndrome. People blame themselves when they don’t enjoy Star Wars movies! Otherwise why would The Phantom Menace be the one that made the MOST MONEY?
  • The initial Episode 8 ad campaign was a threat to ruin the movie with toy commercials! “DON’T LET ANYTHING SPOIL THIS MOVIE”. Pulling that off would be a Sci-Fi movie of its own! Am I supposed to go back in time and kill JJ Abrams to prevent the mediocre set up that was the last movie? UPDATE- Guess the real rush to get people to see it right away was NO FAN would enjoy this after they found out how Luke is treated
  • If you just go see a mediocre movie cause Disney said you have to, well, what would the Rebels we loved in the original trilogy think of that? DISNEY’S AN EVIL EMPIRE.
  • Luke and Han just won’t be onscreen together
  • Admit it. When you saw Episode 7 the second time you were kinda bored. It was ok the first time but sitting through it the second time with my nephew was awful. And the kid sort of hated it. He was 11. At that age he should have loved it. He loves everything with Harrison!
  • Episode 7 was impossible to watch straight through on video. When it was on Netflix I gave it one more shot. This time I just saw the flaws. Like for instance how Fin and Po form a life bond in a 200 second tie fighter escape and crash. It felt like they didn’t even try to make the characters real.
  • Rogue One was much better than any Star Wars “Episode” movie since maybe super violent ‘Revenge of the Sith” Think that’s a low bar? CNN compared this one to Attack of the Clones! Choose your poison.
  • You can’t trust reviews that say its good because they could be bought and paid for.
  • The LEGO version will probably be better
  • The Toy commercials have exposed 15% of the plot. EXAMPLE- BB-8 has a rival or buddy robot whose similar but Empire, I mean “First Order” style. Knowing these movies, maybe first a rival than a companion?
  • The last movie was one long beginning teasing this movie the whole time.
  • The Han Solo movie will be better. (update – it was slightly* better but TLJ killed goodwill and it failed)
  • The Obi Wan movie will be better. (Update- I now doubt this. Update 7-2022- No, it would have been the same. These people can only tell one story )
  • Remember the end of LOST? Same people.
  • It’s got long awkward parts JUST to sell toys. In the last few movies it’s been worse and worse.
  • All the Ad Campaigns launched at once with a glut of out of context movie scenes. Its being pre-sold on home video (unseen and well in advance).
  • The 10 million different licensed products seem to all have gotten there own 2-3 seconds of movie to sell their product with,so- dozens of spoilers. (Update 7-2022 – These toys are now at Goodwill and thrift stores brand new. The Sequels failure to sell any merchandise KILLED Toys R Us!)
  • It’s close to three hours long! Come ON! This isn’t Martin Scorcese. Who even wants a 3 hour Star Wars movie?
  • Do you want to be part of rewarding Disney for making a long mediocre (UPDATE -If only it was mediocre!) Star Wars movie? When does it end? Remember what i said what I said about Phantom Menace making the most money? Don’t you think that facts been dogging the franchise? If your worst movie is still a huge goldmine and blows up franchise records whats the motivation to EVER make good ones? Take a stand for quality.
  • This last ones Purely Personal- Doesn’t seem a chance in Hell the best character, the Emperor will show for the oh so uncool First Order.  Its just not Star Wars without Ol’ Lightning Hands. (Update- yeah i was wrong about this, but only because I rightly never considered it possible The Rise of Skywalker would be so bad!)

So there you have it. Don’t bother.


By Captain Teag

Welcome Aboard! The Captain logs reviews of Pop Culture, movies and TV, Disney, MCU, DCEU, Star Trek, Star Wars, War Movies and MORE! Feel free follow and join my motley crew! Today the we Sail the Ship into History! After 10 years I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! Likes GREATLY Appreciated! CHEERS!

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