The Real McTeag

est 2012

Star Trek’s disappointing Discovery is revving up for yet ANOTHER POINTLESS and HORRIBLE Star Trek Hating season of unworthy total garbage. While the special effects are sometimes impressive and the title sequence is fine, there’s nothing else to like about the show. We’ve been through a bunch of terrible stories and the show just gets worse and worse.

There seems to be no consequences for this expensive, offensive, fan-less mess that failed so badly as a premium show it killed CBS ALL ACCESS. Its also achieved historically bad ratings when shown on regular TV. The show is a disgrace and a disaster.

The single biggest flaw would have to be the BAD stories! Specifically – the uncreative and lazy over use of a single plot device to drive most episodes. Basically what’s on the line in almost every 10 hour snoozefest is nothing less then – THE END OF ALL THINGS!! That’s right, one characters life being in jeopardy no longer matters. No one would care if a character were left behind or died, we might even feel relieved for the actor. So they have to find some way to create stakes.

Time after time they just go with “We have to stop a Galactic Genocide” So those are your stakes. Every time. Just how and why the genocide is unfolding is never really explained. We have 30 hours of stories free of substance, details and context. Nothing they say matters because the show will self contradict most things pretty quickly through incompetence or to take a failed stab at humor. That’s right, this show punishes anyone who pays attention.

The characters and dialogue are just terrible as well. These one note characters change to do whatever the show needs. You have no clue how any given character might react- just that a LOT of inappropriate emotions will be on display.

Episode Titles are outright dishonest teases. For example- “People of Earth” shows you almost NOTHING of earth or its people.

This show is now racing into its fourth season of retelling the same exact 10 hour story over and over. They change some stuff here and there and make sure to call the audience ‘too dumb to understand” via a Science-y character who informs their crewmates and the audience “It makes sense because I say it does and you just aren’t smart enough to grasp it in the limited time we have.”

While the acting wasn’t a problem at first and the production values at most points are ok, the story just isn’t there. In subsequent season’s the shows stupidity has worn down the cast. They have all gotten worse in their roles. They lifelessly read lines until it’s time to cry. Then they cry pretty well. They’ve had so much practice- probably because they never go exploring. The Discovery has still NEVER gone to a planet just to explore.

This bad Trope-y show has unrealistically high stakes at all times. These major problems go unaddressed season after season.  It was so unnecessarily disrespectful to have the original characters entangled in this hot mess of contradictions that a cheap writing device called “The Burn” is used to just throw the Discovery to a distant corner of the Final Frontier- where their bad stories can’t do as much harm.

What “The Burn” is becomes an obsession for the characters in its aftermath. What IS it? WHO did it? WHY? How? Then the crew just stop talking about it with any curiosity. They just come to terms with not understanding it. Then they move on to the next Box Canyon of a Writing Hack. 

As we head into unwanted Season 4 we still have almost no context on these characters. We just know theyr’e very mentally unstable and no single one of them can really grasp what’s going on for about 9 of the 10 hours. Then they short cut their way out of it with some cheap throw away lines and move on.

Deeply unlikable lead character Michael “Mikey Spock” Burnham is a woman with a mans name. Its a real SciFi trope these days. When the plot needs to move Burnham usually just correctly guesses everything she needs to know. She will not explain to us or the rest of the crew why her counterintuitive hunches beat less insane sounding ideas. Burnham just insists on extreme actions in what passes for drama. You have to wonder why the rest of the crew even think twice about listening to her anymore since she’s never wrong.

Burnham, sometimes called Space Jesus by critics, is a lot like Admiral Holdo from The Last Jedi. She wont tell you her plan, she’s sort of out of place and you don’t really have any reasons to like her except the show tells you she’s a hero and she’s always right. Most dramatic parts of the stories revolve around people contesting her crazy- but ultimately correct- hunches. Burnham’s hunches working out is usually the most info we get on anything.

So what is THE BURN? The answer the writers gave us was “It doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t understand, so just stop asking questions and listen to Mikey Spock.” This is old now. It has been used several times to avoid any justification of these terrible stories. So get ready to be called dumb by proxy regularly. 

Star Trek Discovery has simply left behind the concept of saving a few cast members, or their ship, or a planet in any given episode or story ‘arc’.

By episode 8 of season 1 we’re talking about saving the universe and by the end of that season we were looking at “saving all life everywhere across the entire multi-verse of universes.” It was preposterous and unrelatable. This plotline is simply rei-mposed on another set of random events EVERY season. This is your story every time- our hero and her not so smart friends save everyone everywhere.

They just will not go to a planet to explore or make contact in this ‘Star Trek’ show.

In the one episode where only a couple of characters are at risk and there was a  limited “Away Mission” it felt familiar and fun. They made sure to avoid just going there to explore though. We make sure to say this planet just has a space version of a cell phone tower on it and they are merely there to check it out and mess with it a little. Even when they do something that’s like Star Trek they ALWAYS NERF the motivations. It’s like they’re purposely warding off legacy fans with this. No Star Trek show explored every week; but the fact this show never does it really feeds the argument “It’s not Star Trek in any real way.”

The planet could have simply been unexplored and nothing about the episode would have really changed, the space-age cellphone tower is just to put a ticking clock into the plot of the episode. The writers are completely unaware it’s just fine to go to a planet for no reason other than its there. The mission of StarFleet used to be – To Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before. STD just avoids ever doing this.

Rather than learn from this the show’s next episode takes a turn for the too serious again and we find ourselves saving several universes in every installment. All the while each season we carry the water for a huge payoff that these writers can’t deliver on. Events and implications build up and beg answers only for the show to just move on.

Its just too much. You can only stretch a rubber band close to the breaking point so many times before it stops snapping back into shape again. The way they get through any given episode is sort of bland or a little too convenient. It just makes the show non entertaining. Like the magic spore technology co-opted from the Dune Franchise we didn’t need.

The terrible show’s sword and shield are it’s so called diversity. Star Trek’s current diversity seems to have been written by complete racist, homophobic sexists told to defy all parody and satire.

Its low effort writing. Using cut out characters dishonestly to get one more diverse person into the show is always a huge fail. They will screw up basic Star Trek and mess up their own message every time.

For example- Our ‘same sex couple’ is actually one person and ghost. So we need to ask ourselves – “Isn’t this so-called same sex couple just the tale of a delusional porn hound?” Seems diminishing and damaging more than diverse to me. Liking porn is undeniably common and even mundane. So why do it? Was the story built to be dumped if it didn’t work or drew criticism? Or is it just thrown together that carelessly? It’s hard to know because this crass, tasteless show diminishes everything it touches

Lets see just the ship and crew in danger around a strange planet here and there as a starting point for fixing this very flawed show. The good old days of a possible warp core breach or a game of Cat and Mouse with some bad guys is just beyond the writers skill. The current writers can’t pay anything off. They are one trick phonies making the classic mistakes- they’re fixing things that aren’t broken while avoiding things that worked in the past.

These awful ex Non Twilight Teen Vampire Romance Novel writers have no desire to write a Star Trek like show. What good ideas they have they always destroy by mistake. It WAS a good idea to have a new ship and crew, but the idiotic Spore Drive, the CGI Sex Ghost and other terrible ideas- like ending a season by showing Klingons have TWO dicks each as a payoff- make this show the worst iteration of Star Trek it could possibly be, and in fact its really not Star Trek at all.

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