Star Wars Destroys General Kenobi Episode 4 Review

Cause and effect are out the window and if a police department used this movie for training they’d be accused of Racial and Gender Profiling. You don’t really need to see this show, just count on things simply working out as dolefully bad dialogue and every kind of Stormtrooper they can think of are simply tossed at you.

Rolling into Episode Four of predictable nonsense show Obi Wan Kenobi the writers seem to have just given up. Imagine a seventh grade Star Wars themed play written by the students, but with an unlimited budget.

At least its mercifully short at about 39 minutes. I committed to review this show and I’m sticking with it, but the captions are turned off and so am I. I’m only just so interested in what these cut out characters say. They show writers and cast have just been snarking, sulking or self-contradicting their way through this story anyway.

The sets look nice and they are totally committed to “show the guy in the suit doing the thing” storytelling. If you’re looking for positives, well I guess Obi Wan is now reconnected to the Force and doing some of the things we remember. We also see Vader again. He acts a lot like Kylo Ren this week.

The show starts with the ill explained rescue of Obi Wan we began last week inexplicably completed and soon he’s in a bacta tank. Then we cut to Vader in HIS bacta tank and we have back and forth bacta tank nightmares for a while and it’s got my Book of Boba Fett PTSD kicking in good.

Kenobi and what I suppose we need to call rebels at this point, are secreted somewhere and they timidly consider a rescue of Leia. Most of the Rebels, who are almost all women- are down for a rescue for a rescue so long as Obi Wan has minimal input into the plan. His ideas are dismissed immediately but at least they magically know where Leia is- the Water Moon of Mustafa. So its not Kamino. We continue to get look-a-like planets that simply have different names. Its Hosnian Prime and Jaaku all over again.

We reach for some of the lowest moments of the first two Prequels and I suppose Director Deborah Chow matches the worst of their boring, misdirected nature. The biggest difference is that in Phantom Menace as well as Attack of the Clones Lucas had more coherence, some actual charm, a great score and kept us much better oriented. It also had much better action sequences that (mostly) felt organic yet still advanced the plot. Nothing we see approaches the better moments of the Prequels.

In this episode we have some of the worst, most hackneyed dialogue ever. “You will tell me what I want to know” is one line we’re all familiar with from cop shows. We also get variations on Bond movie classics like “we’re not so very different” and I believe even the venerable “I was like you once,” is in there too.

So far we’ve seen nothing but the worst fight scenes and that continues. While it was gratifying to see Obi Wan using the Force and attacking people with his lightsaber, he’s now more into attacking stealthily, kind of like a ninja. This isn’t worst idea, but Obi Wan hasn’t shown any intelligence implementing it- like putting on some easily available Stormtrooper armor. The show is dumb and just doesn’t have a Lucas-like feel to it. Ever.

The episode is about how Obi Wan and the Rebels fairly easily infiltrate the Inquisitors HQ on the water moon, they say Vader is close by but not there. Because the Empire is as stupid as the writers need you to be to enjoy this the base is unshielded. “No one would be crazy enough to attack them there.” This is where they train people and run their whole operation. It’s crucial. So, they just decided not to shield it and bank on intimidation. This is Rise of Skywalker stuff! Why not just say they don’t work in the atmosphere like we heard in TROS if things are getting this dumb? Somehow… this stupid plot point has returned.

Tactical Display of The Inquisitors Watermoon Base

At Inquisitor HQ Leia is still pretty much an angsty 30 year old who reverts to being a child here and there but comes across as a brat.

In a series of Sequels-like Scenes first Reva uses the Force to try to pull things out of Leia’s mind. Leia mocks her and Reva tells Leia she’s very strong. With that we’re off to torture her.

The torture chamber has one of the torture chairs Kylo Ren has, so we’re pointing straight towards shoring up the sequels here, think ‘CGI stew’ on this one.

They come tantalizingly close to torturing Leia and sadly, I’m kind of down for it. The female Rebel Faction leader manages to distract Reva though- who I guess doesnt delegate torture. This was as stupid as could be. There’s no apparent reason to torture Leia. They already know everything Leia does.

In a sequence that apes the underwater swim to the Gungan city in Phantom Menace we see Obi Wan swimming below crush depth using a Jedi SCUBA apparatus similar to the ones in that movie. This is much deeper than the Gungan city.

Kenobi easily makes it into the base and lures a Stormtrooper into a secluded area, beats him up and…throws him into the open diving bell like entrance he has just used to enter the base. Armor and all. So he’s chosen to stage his rescue dressed as a Jedi. Inside a detention center. In a military installation. I guess this world just really doesn’t have cameras.

Cameras are invented in time for the Original Trilogy

We find out our Imperial Turncoat really was and still is part of the Empire. So she’s got some level of command rank in both factions. No one should trust this character. I had supposed when Reva sniffs her out as a possible traitor it was some good Force Mind probing, but it’s seems its more a gut feeling.

Reva tells the turncoat she knows she’s lying but not to what end. She ultimately opts not to kill her… because she likes liars. Then Obi Wan is finally detected and we start a game of very dumb hide and seek (where there’s no way Kenobi wasn’t seen). This then degenerates to Run and Shoot and we’re back in Video Game territory.

The Imperial Turncoat

He manages to underwhelmingly kill two Stormtroopers- literally attacking from behind in the dark…like a villain. None the less Leia is saved and all parties are converging.

Our rebel turncoat just slaps around the two troopers effortlessly. One goes down and doesn’t get up too quick from a mere shove. She then easily overwhelms the other, grabbing his gun hand. In a sort of Matrix Style move,she deftly kills both. It looks even worse than it sounds. I’ve given up looking for creative adjectives for the ease with which most plot points are accomplished. It’s always pretty easy…until they hit the snag that just had to happen. Then they very dumbly and easily overcome that.This repeats ad nauseum.

Obi Wan’s pointless endeavor

Trapped in a hallway the Imperials don’t coordinate. They opt to only attack from one direction. Then it falls to Leia and the turncoat to save clumsy old Obi Wan from himself.

Here’s how the ladies save the day again; Obi Wan’s haphazardly knocking away blaster fire in an underwater base ….that has glass walls. Leia points out that a blaster shot has weakened the glass. Then the turncoat appears at the opposite end of the hallway and its clear we can trap the Imperials, Deathtrooper and all- in that hallway as it floods. So we do. Obi Wan uses the Force to hold the wall up while Leia runs and then he beats a retreat letting the glass collapse. For whatever reason the Imperials must have sealed this hallway on their end because it immediately totally and completely floods and Insta-Kills the Stormtroopers- who we see floating dead behind the glass door motionless immediately as though they were below crush depth. Obi Wan doesn’t even get wet. It’s all very convenient. It’s also a good thing Leia and the turncoat are smart enough to keep Saving General Kenobi!

Obi Wan and Leia are now united with the turncoat and they finally realize Obi Wan would really benefit from fitting in – for instance by putting on an Imperial Officers hat and coat. As smart as this would have been quite some time ago we have to compromise even this late onset of common sense with some abject stupidity. To conceal Leia they simply have her walk next to Obi Wan under his coat. Good thing no one noticed this officer with a now known traitor to the Empire has a second pair of child legs protruding from the child sized growth he’s got under his right arm.

Then as the gambit is exposed some Rebel memberberries from when Star Wars was good show up to save them. Its couple of speeders akin to what we saw on Hoth in Empire Strikes back. They attack the Imperial Hangar- which is of course above the waterline so the sequence can happen.

the one Rebel who doesn’t want to help

In a fight scene worse than last weeks Reva holds off direct fire from a speeder while the rest of the contingent are able to bail out our heroes and everyone escapes. Reva tosses something at one of the speeders with the Force and thats it for that heroic pilot.

Then Vader shows up (of course) and is about to kill Reva when he allows her to speak. She says she’s put a Locator on the ship and where the ship goes “he goes too.” This implies its a male person. We only have one male associated with this Rebel Cell, the guy who didn’t want to help. He’s extra salty when they get back, too. Could it be him? It’s surely him, right?

This whole thing about a tracker or locator is some serious garbage as is Vader being so impressed by it he goes from being ready to kill Reva to praising her. So Vader is an idiot now too, simp-ing for Reva. She’s The Best-est EVER!!

Vader acting like Kylo Ren

In perhaps the worst attempt at shocking us- because as bad and confusing as this was I kind of saw it coming- we get a very strong indication that ‘the Locator’ is Leia’s droid, Lola. We saw Reva mess around with Lola, which has been referred as female til now. I guess making her to evil turned the droid male? I don’t know anymore.

This episode was the worst so far and there’s still two more episodes left. While the sets and locations are better the story is just a dumb series of events. To an extreme. It’s a high end set with a Book of Boba Fett level story. In other words- the creators took all the wrong lessons from their failure-again. Young Leia being part of the show sort of destroys Kathleen Kennedy’s claim she thought that fans won’t accept recast legacy characters or they could have rendered a CGI Leia off Carrie Fishers likeness. Alden Ehrenreich- its not your fault!

The idea that this tracked ship is going anywhere but Alderaan is idiotic. You don’t need to be a genius (or have a tracker) to know that a rescued princess is going to be returned home. They already made a point of saying their rebel hideaway can’t be compromised because it’s the nerve center of their whole operation. It’s the last place they should go. That’s why I’m pretty sure they will return to Mapuso and compromise this base.

All I can say about Episode 4 of Obi Wan Kenobi is ‘this was a bad 39 minutes.”

Ewan McGregor wasn’t so great this week. He started out way too low and cut off from the Force and now he seems about as strong as ever both emotionally and Force-wise. He simply snapped out of it from being burned I suppose. Still, we’re three plus hours into this story and just seeing Ewan McGregor isn’t enough.

Don’t miss the pointless and macabre sequence where we see they keep captured or killed Jedi suspended in amber as trophies. Not even the Youngling’s were spared. It’s one of the episode’s only kind of cool moments. It presents two huge problems though- if they’re alive they have no excuse not returning to rescue them. This place is not the least bit secure. It’s not clear if they’re alive, we had a chance to know, but we don’t. So this again looks cowardly. I also wonder if unfreezing a couple to allow to wreak havoc on this base is a better end then they got being trophies! I’d take it! None of them seem hurt. Carbon Freeze-like blinding would not matter in the least, Jedi don’t need to see at all (as established in A New Hope and confirmed hard in Rogue 1. UPDATE- One person on Reddit says the subtitles claim its a tomb. Seems earnest, I’ not rewatching. If it’s a tomb though -it wasn’t very clear. If I had a say in this set I may have gone for a quasi religuous dynamic and make it a Sith Temple or something to imbue some meaning into these trophies.

When George Lucas did Star War most things we saw seemed tactile and meaningful enough. That now absent appearance of functionality may have meant more than we realized as far adding authenticity and believability to sets.

Even just claiming they were trying to harvest midoclorians from the corpses and making it look that way would have made sense too. Some sort of factory process perhaps, over overheard science talk. As it is, tomb or not, we have no context for this room. It serves no apparent purpose. We saw it because it looks cool.

The episodes other sort of cool moment would be Leia and ‘Ben’ holding hands- it’s just too bad she does it to comfort him instead the other way around, which would make more sense (she’s TEN).

Someone help Obi Wan Kenobi get out of this show about Leia and Reva. It’s just wrecking havoc on the Original Trilogy without being entertaining at all.

Well, thanks for indulging my perspective. We love Likes and Follows here, so feel free to hit those like & follow buttons if you enjoyed what you read!

By Captain Teag

Welcome Aboard! The Captain logs reviews of Pop Culture, movies and TV, Disney, MCU, DCEU, Star Trek, Star Wars, War Movies and MORE! Feel free follow and join my motley crew! Today the we Sail the Ship into History! After 10 years I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! Likes GREATLY Appreciated! CHEERS!

Leave a comment

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: