Kenobi Finale Disaster

Disney’s Kenobi came to a strange, near ad hoc end with all of our Plot Armored characters alive and well like we knew they would be. The path here was anything but clear (or entertaining).

Episode 6 can’t be bothered to explain itself and seems like the kind of Emergency Re-shoot The Book of Boba Fett needed. The creators didn’t research their material and violated canon throughout episodes 1 through 4. In episode 5 there was some damage control and a strange decision to extend the life of the show’s villain as a redeemed good guy. It’s just too big of a bite, so both episodes 5 and 6 mostly fail.

The story so far has run contrary to all dialogue and this week is no different. We never had Cause and Effect in this show. The sets were cheap and bad most of the time. Every episode was littered with immersion destroying errors you learn how to avoid the first week of Film School.

In a move that’s more irritating than surprising, we start back on Tatooine with Reva using the Force and bullying people.

How did Reva get here? How was her wound through the chest not mortal? How long can she be allowed to live with all the dangerous knowledge she was magically gifted by the writers? How is she on Tatooine in shape to push people around when Kenobi and the others fleeing the planet of Jabiim are still in it’s orbit?

Is Reva the first EVER Sith Force Ghost? Unlikely but in no way ruled out! We start out with a starkly unexplained sequence that is at odds with the show’s time frame and continuity.

Episode 6 seems to pin Reva’s recovery and travel timeframe to mere minutes. This is reenforced by the fact that events unrelated to her have picked up right where they left off last week.

Last week we saw Reva run through with her own lightsaber while the Grand Inquisitor – who very recently survived the exact same wound – mocked her. Reva is super dangerous to everyone in both factions in this story. Accepting Reva being alive and on Tatooine is just completely up to your discretion.

How she got here SO QUICKLY is absolutely up to your imagination! Congratulations on your new job as an unpaid Disney writer! Your answer is as good as anyone else’s!

Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet

Just to review for a moment – Reva seemed to be in the last seconds of a “single season villain” death. Then things simply got nebulous and weird. She coughed and sputtered, picked up some key information and did not die. How and why she survived is best described as ‘an entire episode of key information simply left out.’

Now, Reva is back with her wounded midsection merely wrapped in cloth. Reva knows EVERYTHING. Her entire story was done magically and inartfully. Star Wars canon and the show’s own logic has to be overlooked for her to know what she knows.

All we really know after all this is that Reva is deeply evil and said to be smart. She’s been a heel on screen, cutting off bystanders hands. She’s clearly been a vicious menace as an Inquisitor for years.

When we did get Reva’s story it was what we thought, she was an Order 66 survivor. Her feelings and actions as well as what happened to her from the moment Order 66 begins are simply shown one way and described another, though.

It’s tough to say why Reva helped the Empire consolidate its power and hunt down Force users if she truly hated Vader to the point she even hated his teacher.

Now? Reva’s just too dangerous to be left alive. She’s on Tatooine looking to kill Luke for really no reason. Her actions make no sense at all. It also makes very little sense Vader would allow this little charade. Reva’s plot was Dinner Theater level at best and he’s known at least since she ‘killed’ the Grand Inquisitor several episodes back.

This can’t be understated – we do NOT know how she got here or why she’s alive.

Kenobi and Vader clash again in this episode in a really obligatory manner. This time some of the dialogue is sort of cool. It still isn’t the most logical or satisfying conversation we’ve witnessed, but it was kind of cool.

Vader and Kenobi have a Dragonball Z Style fight on a super dark moon or asteroid very close to Jabiim.

Vader takes ownership of his evil and kind of forgives Kenobi for pretty much everything if you consider his words. Its very contrary to what we’ve seen in every Star Wars story until now. Sadly, its just to generate memes.

The scene where Vader and Kenobi talk has moments where it’s sort of enjoyable. It’s packed with overpowered moves that make you question their actions in the movies, though.

One major thing I have heard people wondering about is why Vader neglects to use the Force to pull down the Millenium Falcon in Empire Strikes Back- because its a move he is easily able to pull off in this show.

at 2:04 Vader (now*) just lets the Millennium Falcon go

Their fight is probably too intense for either of them to survive. The CGI is low effort in an environment where everything we see is grey or black. The prevalence of Sequels Force Rules means that there are no Force Rules. The Force is just a badly overused plot device in this world.

Meanwhile on Tatooine Aunt Beru is Sarah Connor when the warning to flee Reva arrives at some unknowable time before sundown- when its said by Beru that Reva’s sure to wait for to attack. Owen has a much better idea. Just flee and round up some help. Beru just demands they stay and take on Reva alone. Owen knows exactly how bad an idea this is because Reva almost killed him way back in episode 1.

Owen Lars wisely wants to flee, but his wife is just hearing any of it. In a few seconds Owen relents and they open up a secret stash of guns. In a reprise of last week’s episode they decide the plan need only be ‘stand your ground.’

They have a speeder and should just head to town or anywhere else. The idea they need to hide their weapons is also ridiculous on lawless Tatooine, which features numerous natural predators as well as Tusken Raiders.

So, while most people would flee a psychopathic, teleporting, super-powered darkside user whose only plan is to attack a fixed point at a very predictable time, Luke’s family is going to fight it out. Non-military Owen and Beru await Reva and sunset while Luke- who has no lines and thick plot armor – is hidden.

When Reva does show up she’s looking to just kill everyone. Thankfully its apparent she’s been levelled down by her encounter with Vader and the apparent subsequent self healing and teleporting. She’s also limping and laboring a bit. Despite all the illogic, the Defense of the Skywalker Ranch is enjoyable in itself.

Moses Ingram actually does this sequence pretty well. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t involve much dialogue, maybe because Ingram is a better physical actor than we’ve seen. This week she’s at least showing herself to be in pain. The show eventually undermines this by having her displaying too many feats of strength for any believability, though.

Meanwhile, shrouded in darkness, Kenobi wraps up his encounter with Anakin when he wins.

Kenobi could end this destructive conflict now and save the planet Alderaan by finishing Vader off. He simply doesn’t do this despite having Vader dead to rights. Kenobi is now an incompetent enabler of future war crimes and should know it. There’s a lot of people I could think of in this Galaxy who might even consider Kenobi a War Criminal!

Vader is a wheezing, laboring mess when Kenobi simply walks away from him. He’s been stoned with boulders and his suit is compromised. He’s really beat up.

We can see Vader’s face through his broken helmet in a sequence stolen outright from the cartoon ‘Rebels.’ We hear a hybrid of Hayden Christensen and CGI Faked James Earl Jones voices sort of mixed together. At some moments its pure Anakin.

While the dialogue is bad, this is much closer to the show we were promised. It’s too bad it’s a sidestory stapled thoughtlessly onto what’s really ‘The Adventures of Young Princess Leia’ and ‘The Rise of Reva’ Show.

Dishonestly named and marketed Obiwan Kenobi was a slow moving show with a couple of super short episodes. Disney really shortcut through any and all substance.

Kenobi was too cute with its narrative. They didn’t cautiously use one break from canon in a well written story. They just fired off a first draft of an un-researched, canon destroying disaster and threw it on TV.

Lucasfilm’s writers were unable to write their way through any challenge without just cutting away and then later taking up the story with problems magically resolved. From convenient, dumb ideas like unshielded, unguarded ‘super strong’ Enemy HQ’s to “Impenetrable Blast Doors” breached in seconds, the show has been an unreliable narrator of it’s own events.

The writers have no fear of simply creating situations that don’t add up then just moving on. Things such as a functional Reva being on Tatooine moments after what should have been her death come to mind. She’s there and that’s all that we get. Kenobi escaping Stormtroopers last week was handled the same way. The week before we saw Tala appear magically at the “Super Secure” Inquisitor HQ. So forget things adding up on this show.

We also just don’t know if Reva was stabbed by Anakin during Order 66. While the flashback seems to show it, the story Reva told Kenobi and the vision she has when she actually is run through in the present time frame later leaves out most key information. All we know is for some reason Disney has chosen to make Reva Star Wars version of a School Shooting Survivor. She has a horrible story that seems retasked from the recent tragedy in Uvalde, Texas. It’s almost the same as one survivor’s account. This is unseemly and gross. Its too high a moral price for us to endure for a story this stupid.

Cheap CGI and bad physics as well as a total lack of Cause and Effect have Kenobi on Tatooine moments after the Lars family fight Reva. While Owen and Beru scored a few points, they could only contain Reva long enough for Luke to flee, apparently to Beggar’s Canyon.

The fight at the Skywalker Ranch is fun despite having no stakes. Then it occurred to me these writers would happily kill Luke and have the Luke we meet in A New Hope be a clone created from Leia.

In reality, in this show the stakes are The Star Wars Canon and Lore. “What will they violate just to surprise me?” went through my mind. This is how fans react to a good show? By having a small panic attack on behalf of George Lucas? This is how you build stakes?

In the only solid piece of dialogue in the entire show Owen Lars has to listen to Reva mocking the idea Luke is his son and reacts like a real adopted father – he’s damn sure Luke is his son and he attacks Reva with all he’s got. FINALLY! Someone has had a normal reaction to Reva’s taunting.

Owen’s already in a mood to kill, everything he has and cherishes is on the line, he needs to fight tough and smart. Mocking the idea he’s Luke’s “Real Father” is a blow to his his pride he just won’t take. He was doing his best to kill Reva already but after this he and Beru are fierce!

Owen is the real hero of this series. In his brief time on screen he never takes anyone’s bullshit.

He scoffs at threats and just doesnt care about his own well being. Pushed past his breaking point from being disrespected and attacked- he doubles his efforts. This is something Surrender-Monkey Kenobi could learn from. Owen Lars does his very best to kill Reva (something else Kenobi could learn from).

The actors are able to overcome the material. Their characters anger and indignance enhance the scene. It was the best part of this whole series. Owen and Beru are the only characters to come out of this looking good.

Owen and Beru’s stand alone action scene works for a few reasons. The biggest is the actors can simply act. They’re possibly just more skilled than most of the cast. They also have the only small, believable mission in this story. “Defend your house against a psycho” is basically The Purge recycled, but it’s simple enough and they’re allowed to be brave, smart and tough. Joel Edgerton absolutely nails this performance, so does Bonnie Piesse as Beru. These actors do a great job in their smaller stakes micro-story about Luke (that was most of the show’s trailer).

If only trained jedi Brave Sir Kenobi had the traits and toughness in the proportions we see in these simple farmers.

At the end Reva is ‘redeemed’ despite what the story has shown us. She menaces and attacks Luke and his family for no reason. She simply fails to kill Luke- who has now seen a lightsaber (destroying any interpretation of how he reacts to seeing one again in A New Hope).

at the 1 minute mark Luke asks a now stupid qestion

Reva’s story concludes with Kenobi foolishly making peace with her. Reva is evil and someone Kenobi should absolutely kill. She knows the entire Jedi plan. She knows Luke and Leia are the children of Vader. Nonetheless Brave Sir Kenobi decides to let this mentally unstable, superpowered wild card just go do her own thing.

Then a really dull, cameo studded wrap up of the series begins.

Kenobi needlessly heads to Alderaan despite the existential threat of Reva running around free and capable in close proximity to Luke. There he gives Leia a gun holster we thought had been destroyed. It seems to be the one proto-Rebel leader Tala was wearing when she needlessly killed herself.

The Imperials are now deeply incompetent. They sent maybe 50 troopers with no apparent officers along with Reva to take the Proto Rebel base. They never release Tie Fighters to attack the transport or assist in their ground assault. This is the sort of gross military incompetence we used to associate more with The First Order.

Be that as it may, the holster is back and gun-hating Kenobi gives it to Young Leia and returns her droid. Kenobi took Lola the droid with him for no other reason than to return it in a scene no one should ever have written of Kenobi visiting Alderaan.

In a non impactful Vader scene we see him communicating with Palpatine via Hololink. Vader is super casual and it’s nothing like how we’ve seen him talk to Palpatine as Vader before. They exchange typical shifty Sith talk.

In a final, equally non impactful and perhaps even stupid addendum to the show; Qui Gon Jinn’s Force Ghost, as played by Liam Neeson appears for the most meaningless conversation ever. The only thing of note is that in death Qui-Gon has become Irish. Neeson used his regular, lilting voice with his regular North Irish Accent.

Nearly 30 years after the death of his master Qui-gon and Kenobi opt to exchange quips, saying nothing of substance. The conversation is as vapid as the rest of this poorly made show.

Star Wars is worse off from this show. It undermines the Prequels and the Original Trilogy in an attempt to clean off the Sequels. KENOBI was boring, meandering and stupid. While many characters had complete plot armor there was still a total reluctance by the show to kill off the bad guy. Reva’s terrible unearned redemption destroys this show, Kenoibi’s intelligence and really hurts A New Hope. It might also make the entire show REBELS a pointless endeavor fit only to be picked over for visuals.

Written to get twitter excited the show only trended for a few hours a week- the day it came out…. in the small hours of the morning for most of America.

Disney’s technical abilities seem to be limited as a streaming service. 3 am Eastern just doesn’t make for a good debut time. People mostly see a ‘spoiled’ episode.

Disney doesnt understand customers are People who wake up, go to work, live their lives and come home to see a spoiled show. Most of the time, just about everyone is down on their shows and openly discussing the flaws and problems by the time an average person sees it.

8 pm Eastern or even Midnight Eastern would allow people to see the show BEFORE memes and videos analyzing it drop. What would be so bad about releasing the shows when people could watch them?

Disney has only given us dishonest marketing. Like Moon Knight, this show rushed events and ‘showed the guy in the suit doing the thing’ and called that substance. The titular character was reduced to a supporting role.

Star Wars Simps ate it up, too. This seems to be as good as Disney Star Wars gets. Its not as good as the Battlestar Galactica Reboot. It never touches The Abyss let alone The Expanse and is nothing more than mundane ‘story-free content.’

Skip this non essential viewing. It’s problematic contrived garbage. Deborah Chow is a bad director. The writers are really bad and did no research, just scavenging.

Well, thanks for indulging my perspective. We love Likes and Follows here, so feel free to hit those like & follow buttons if you enjoyed what you read!

By Captain Teag

Welcome Aboard! The Captain logs reviews of Pop Culture, movies and TV, Disney, MCU, DCEU, Star Trek, Star Wars, War Movies and MORE! Feel free follow and join my motley crew! Today the we Sail the Ship into History! After 10 years I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! Likes GREATLY Appreciated! CHEERS!

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