Taika Waititi Trolls Star Wars Fans

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman

Somehow, Natalie Portman has returned to Star Wars…..maybe.

In a too cute to be believed moment Thor Love and Thunder Director Taika Waititi inexplicably mentioned to the media he had asked Natalie Portman if she would ever consider being in a Star Wars movie, allegedly because he completely forgot that she was in THREE of them.

The idea that this even really happened is just a little too preposterous to be sincere. It seems like Disney’s up to something, again.

While the story originated in Rolling Stone and made it into Newsweek, it’s best filed under “Hard to Believe” ….or would have been until the things we’ve seen so far this year.

So far Rolling Stone and Newsweek have opted to treat it like Waititi admitted to a brain fart, but he self reported his own mistake, so it’s hard to say if he’s serious.

Waititi, like every single other human being over the age of 25, is well aware Natalie Portman was in the Prequel Trilogy. This seems like a bit of trolling. Still, it should be taken somewhat seriously.

Keeping in mind the sheer dishonesty with which Disney shills the MCU and Star Wars bringing up Portman in this context sounds more like a test balloon than any kind of mistake.

Now that it’s out there- what’s to stop them? After all, no one’s ever truly gone in Star Wars- which is maybe not the greatest thing.

Struggling Disney Plus would do or say anything to have even a moment of relevance. The recent complete destruction of Obi-wan, Vader and Princess Leia in the Kenobi series, made only to create memes, proves that. The Kenobi show was nothing but crowdsourced ideas harvested off social media.

Portman could easily be reintegrated into Disney’s Star Wars. Possibilities include playing her own Force or Memory Ghost or she could be de-aged (or not) in some Prequel Related show on Disney Plus. They could also just make her a new character and refuse to explain, or they could even give her an alien makeover…. or full KISS makeup and de-ageing to flash way, way back.

One thing they probably don’t remember is there are a few doubles, who may in fact be clones of Padme, running around out there. They would be Portman’s age now at about the time of a potential Kenobi Season 2 or even be passable in The Mandalorian timeframe.

The Lucas established Clone Doubles Route would be the easiest, least offensive way to use her. So don’t count on that.

They also have the combination of hubris and desperation to allow a “What If” kind of show where she and Hayden Christensen play a WANDAVISION-type couple. This would be horrible. Therefore it’s my leading ‘hot take prediction’ right now…should this even happen.

None of these ideas, crazy as they sound, would be the dumbest or most outrageous things Disney has tried with Star Wars.

There are enough bots and knee-jerk fans to make any of these ideas work for a limited run or spread out across multiple series. The only two things holding Disney back are shame (in short supply there these days) and the amount of money they would need for Natalie Portman to consider it (which they have in a somewhat greater supply).

Disney and Lucasfilm have shown they won’t let things like decency, honesty or a terrible script influence their unwanted shows. The company’s streaming service is a near unpierceable veil where they claim everything has been a success.

This includes falsely named and dishonestly marketed shows like Moon Knight; which was actually Rise of Scarlet Scarab. Loki; which was actually Rise of Sylvi; and Obi-wan Kenobi; which was just the Adventures of Young Leia and the Rise of Reva combined. In Kenobi Ewan McGregor got third billing in his own show on IMDb. This proved a more accurate indicator of what we would get than the show’s actual title as McGregor had at best a supporting role. This despite the fact the entire trailer was Obi-wan and Luke. This was not to be. We never see Luke and Obi-wan actually interact.

In a canon-hating move the Kenobi show’s plot had Obi-wan immediately leaving Tatooine. This means he’s disobeyed Yoda and exposed his young charge, Luke to great danger. After 6 horrible episodes I can confirm that Luke had no lines and is seen twice in the show. He might have about 90 seconds on screen in the series. It’s not even three minutes.

So there’s really nothing left that Disney could do to surprise me.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman

While there’s growing skepticism that many viewers made it to the end of recent dreadful MCU and Star Wars shows, the company has had no shame and has shown there’s no real limit to the things they will do to make a buck.

In the last few months the content on Disney Plus has been as bad as the CW. They need an A director list dropping a big name star in an interview these days.

Disney’s live action is so bad it makes people look back in admiration at Tab Hunter, Sandy Duncan and movies like That Darn Cat as a time of higher quality stories. The Book of Boba Fett was below even Herbie the Lovebug as far as watch-abilty and enjoyability. Financially, Herbie did far better for much less investment.

Disney is taking all the wrong lessons from this though. Cheap, dark, poorly filmed Obi-wan Kenobi seemed to have lost it’s audience nearly completely after awful episode 4.

Disney’s problems are marbled through every level of the company. The once mighty entertainment giant has humbled itself by rebranding as a Streaming Service Provider.

While on the surface this may seem genius, it makes about as much sense as Netflix opening up a Theme Park. Disney is a long established family entertainment provider. Imagine Netflix needing to pretend they were family friendly and selling controversial, tasteless mistakes like quickly canceled “Cuties” as wholesome while dedicating an acre of a theme park to celebrating it?

The ill considered “Streaming Service Provider” label was salaciously pursued, tattooed across the rodents forehead and won’t go away easily (or quickly).

Waititi’s ‘slip up’ was probably not a legitimate mistake. Whether Disney has plans to use Natalie Portman in Star Wars again is not as interesting as where the fans will take this (awful) idea.

Fans should consider this an IQ test and balk at it. (Half of) the fans of Star Wars respond favorably to anything with the Star Wars Label and Disney just plays to this segment without trying. Disney has not shown the ability to deal with legacy characters in a respectful or even coherent way.

Disney WILL be tracking the level of interest, if for no other reason than to perfect their beguiling and highly misleading ad campaigns. It’s no effort at all to add another title the list of shows that will never be released. There’s a few shows we were supposed to have seen already; like Rogue Squadron or the Acolyte; that people (correctly) predicted would never happen.

As much as we all love her, bringing Natalie Portman back to Star Wars is a bad, uncreative idea. So don’t write it off.

Well, thanks for indulging my perspective. We love Likes and Follows here, so feel free to hit those like & follow buttons if you enjoyed what you read!

By Captain Teag

Welcome Aboard! The Captain logs reviews of Pop Culture, movies and TV, Disney, MCU, DCEU, Star Trek, Star Wars, War Movies and MORE! Feel free follow and join my motley crew! Today the we Sail the Ship into History! After 10 years I think I'm finally getting the hang of this! Likes GREATLY Appreciated! CHEERS!

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