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GOP CONVENTION 2016 Night 3 LIVEBLOG

20 Wednesday Jul 2016

Posted by therealmcteag in 2016 Presidential Hopefuls, 21st Century Political Movements, 21st century right wing political fails, Assault Weapons Ban, Benghazi Attacks., Cargo Cult Republican's, Chris Christie, Climate Change, Domestic Terror, Dystopia, Famous Satanists, GOP CONVENTION 2016, GOP CONVENTION LIVE BLOG, Hillary Clinton, trump, Uncategorized

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2016 GOP Convention Sponsors, Conservative lunatics, cruz attacks trump, cruz disses trump at convention, donald trump, GOP CONVENTION LIVE BLOG, GOP convention night 3 three, Governor Pence, Hillary Clinton, Huge change, islamophobia, Mike Pence, Mike_Pence, NRA, paul ryan, Pence, right wing haters, rwnj, Ted Cruz, ted cruz convention dis, trump dissed

donald-trump-grow-upThis Includes Commercials

 

Pre-game:

 

Wine rack 1 //.  1st airs c 730 pm

VW

Linzess for IBS (extra weird commercial for opiate addicts based on year 1 MTV ads)

Mobile Strike phone game

Leesa mattress (also slightly creepy)

 

Main Event

740 pm

Ugly USA chant dome with great spite

Audi (German)

Aleve patch (pharma based Dr avoidance product)

Progressiver (warren Buffet owned)

23 & Me FDA approved dna scan

CNN self promo

MSC Cruises

Some university

CNN self promo dem conv

 

–rick scott speaks, least popular governor in USA

No mention of his home state. Says yr fired a lot. Lots of sick trump chants. Guiliani 2.0

Sustained hate, fear, isis 3x & counting. Bashes hilarry. More lock her up chants.

 

MB

Alka setlzer

T-mobile

Progressive Flo

Vote4Energy

CNN Promo

Ring Alarm

Rapid advance

 

Ivanka interview

Analysis by panel

 

CNN app commercial

CA Technologies

Koch Enviro friendly commercial

BP (court mandated thru settlement commercial?)

Dollar Shave

Brookdale Old Folks Homes

Rapid Advance

This IS CNN promo

— back to convention

cnn stays analysis w/ wolf and jake

Short Film–History of NASA (which theyve alays voted to defund)  narrated by Reagan voice clone on valium focuses on col aileen collins. Concludes we have fallen behind in space exploration, making us weak.

Collins speaks. Claims we went to the moon in peace??

 

Wolf & Jake again

—–Break—–

Zenni.com glasses

Angies list

Vote 4 energy.com/ energy voters

Ring doorbell

Rapid Advance

CNN promo

__back to convention___

Wolf & Jake

Wolf sets up ted cruz

Sets upcoming 3rd appearance after pence accepts,, sets up Eric Trump to be ‘high point’

Analysis

Speaker State Sen Ralph Alvarado,KY failed doctor, 1st latino elected to KY senate, what a bunch of bigots.seems to try to be saying they arent racists cause they voted for a latino. American Dream speech just like little marco’s. Says all hispanics are republicans and just dont know it. No mention of a wall. Heavy emphasis on ‘legal immigrants’ Hillary hater. Obama hater. Benghazi nut. Very pro trump

A few words in spanish 101

Calls out hillary as hispanic hater.

_Anderson & david axelrod in booth, they note no one will really talk about trump. They agree it’s “Odd”

Speaker Pastor Darrell Scott, Prosperity Minister(?) of Cleveland. Says he talks about discussing military matters with Trump (YIKES!). Didn’t bother to wear a fucking tie. Hates Liberals. Used to do drugs before god grift, now he doesnt want anyone to have fun. Screamed like George C Scott in Patton  or maybe wrestling promoter Jim McMahon. Maybe the first person all night to talk about trump at length, says trump believes in bible,Swerves into the supernatural, speaks on behald of god yet somehow no lightning bolt.

Second straight night the supernatural speech brings house down

Panel Analysis

SE Cupp calls out Prosperity Ministers as awful spokesperson

 

Speaker – Gov Scott Walker, WI. zzzzzzzz Radical ISlam! AHHHH! AAAHHH! Thanks our vets, no mention of help  Lines out ‘america deserves better’ throughout specch. Very anti hillary, suggests prison for hilary, lock her up chant again. Urges crowd not to vote 3rd party and scotus fears. Mentions reagan and scalia inn one sentence (DRINK!) Benghazi! E Mails! Never stops shouting . Anti Union Hate Speech.

BREAK

Mobile Strike

CNN promo

Southern NH University, online school

Ring

Cnn promo

BACK FROM BREAK__

Video Narrated by Trump Employee

VP of Eric Trump Foundation & Sr Family Asst Lyn Patton. Looks like CNN says shes just their personal asst’s.  Speaks like pro Wrestler on behalf of Orlando’s LGBT people,, then minimizes it and says its attacks on America, not gay community. Speaks on behalf of BLM as a non member who hates them. Says she has to support Trump because shes black. Invokes god

 

Video- Rigged Political System with Little Marco Rubio attacking Hillary. FEAR! BENGHAZI! (DRINK)

 

Speaker- Sen Ted Cruz ® Tex

Starts with god of course. RTL then States Rights. Lotsa inaccurate statements,esp re: education

ISIS refugee fears. Down ballot plea, “Vote your conscience” gets raucous applause, we want trump starts up too

Trump cheer takes hold for awhile but he holds forth despite hostility, clearly unwanted there. DOES NOT ENDORSE, suggested maybe vote for someone very unlike Trump. NY GOP heckled him badly. Got his digs in. Booed off stage with his manhood intact for once

__back to Wolf & Jake narrate Trumps entrance  Trump looks straight up pissed when not flashing the phony smile.

Panel Discussion hosted by anderson

__Speaker = Trumps son, Eric Trump just a lot aggrandizing of his dad. Kind of looks like the bully from Karate Kid

___back to the booth

NO COMMERCIALS

__SPEAKER_ Moon Governor Newt Gingrich- praises wifes various direct mail businesses –  pushes back on Cruz ‘vote your conscience” thing “our enemies are determined to kill us’ FEAR! Focuses on ISIS attacks, nuclear fear. Says all of America can be lost under Hilary. Really fearful

Back to Anchors CNN no Commercial
Reports of deep ugly fight backstage with Cruz and Trump supporters, Cruz wife escorted out

Paul Ryan comes out to the Who’s Eminence Front (about cocaine) and talks up Mike Pence

SPEAKER-___ Mike Pence, VP Candidate. Looks like a cialis or viagra spokesman.  His dad owned gas stations and Mikes all about Jesus. He has an awful homophobic record and has never fared well in interviews . Keeps it safe praises his wife & kids, one of whom is a Marine.

he has moved on to extolling Trump as a good man.

NOTE – Pence was once a Catholic Democrat but is now an Evangelical Republican.

Vows hillary will never be president

We Want Trump chant starts to become ongoing while Pence speaks meekly about how tough they will be

Pence alludes to the land of the free and the home of the brave and a USA chant breaks out

Praises cops in a sort of divisive way. Praises Trumps kids.    Goes after Hillary , Make America Great again, claims to represent change, HUGE change. ( Crowd chants “Huge”??) border fears. Vets get screwed but no answers or ideas except ‘we’ll be smarter’ Attacks Hillary. claims to be pro union in coal industry

Speaks on behalf of minorities despite being the whitest man alive . Says election will define scotus for 40 years. Promises under hilary judges wont get approved

makes right to life and second amendment plea very nakedly after all the talk of orlando massacre. Talks about his marine kid more and uses that as justification of his ability to judge character. More terrorist attack stuff but nothing about guns. Calls Obama a weak apologist. “DONALD TRUMP WILL DESTROY THE ENEMIES OF FREEDOM! AMERICA STANDS WITH ISRAEL” ok. Mentions Obama’s term ends in precisely 6 months (fact check) Now theyre chanting “we like mike” cause he’s been hateful and fearful for a long while.

He seems to have no eyebrows. He goes into the second supernatural invocation of better times ahead if we make the Trump choice. he extolls trump again in a longwinded way. knowing Trump will appear has people impatient.

he thanks god and asks for blessings.

WALKOUT BY TRUMP, he doesnt appear to be about to speak

Anderson notes its 3rd appearance in 3 nights

My Question- when is Trump guy studying and writing his big speech for tomorrow??

Looks like CNN blew off a lot of commercials time that probably was result of all the anti trump boycotts. as you can see very few prestigous companies bought air time and the Koch Brothers notably bought just one spot

this has benn an awful bore, i hope you spare yourself the viewing by reading this. i consider it a public service

mcteag out

UPDATE 7-21-

Ted Cruz is still attacking Trump and ‘refuses to be his lap dog’. he finally has a hint of gallantry for defending his family

 

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NRA Chairman Wayne LaPierre- Dedicated Servant of Darkness.

22 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by therealmcteag in #toc, 2012 Election Violence, 21st Century Political Movements, 2nd Amendment, Adam Lanza, ar-15, Assault Weapons Ban, Bill O'Riley booed, Colin Ferguson, Crime, Crossroads GPS, Dead pool candidates, Dedicated Servants of Darkness, Did Wayne LaPierre go to Vietnam, Did Wayne LaPierre Serve in Military?, Domestic violence, Double Homicide, Dystopia, Famous Murderers, Famous Satanists, Fox News Lies, Gabby Giffords shooting, Glenn Beck, GOP FAILS, GOP sucks, gun crime, handgun crime, handgun debate, Handgun laws, Hate Crimes, Historical Commentary, i met a spree killer, Joe Biden, Kony, Mass Culture phenomena, Mass Murderers, mass murders, Mayor Bloomberg gun policy, Mental Health, michael Bloomberg, Modern Conservatives, multiple victim homicides, Need for More Well trained Cops, New Assault Weapons Ban, Newtown Shootings, Notable draft Dogers, Notable Satanists, NRA RESPONDS TO OBAMA, Obama at Newton Ct, Uncategorized, Wayne LaPierre Draft, Wayne LaPierre Draft Dodger, Wayne LaPierre taken to task, Wayne LaPierre testifies before Congress, Wayne LaPierre Vietnam

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2nd Amendment remedies, Barack Obama, Congress gun control committee, Connecticut Gun Law, Ct Gun Law, Extended magazines, Gun Control, Gun Owners Rights, Kony, LaPierre, MLB Opening Day Moment of Silence 2013, National Rifle Association, Notable draft dodgers, NRA, NRA Education Safety Ideas, NRA RESPONDS TO OBAMA, Selfish Gun Owners, the Second Amendment, United States, Vietnam, wayne lapierre, Wayne LaPierre Congress, Wayne LaPierre Draft, wayne lapierre military history, Yankees Moment of Silence for Sandy Hook Victims

Executive Vice President of the NRA LaPierre holds a 300 Remington Ultra Mag that was auctioned off after he gave the keynote address at the Western Hunting and Conservation Expo in Salt Lake City, Utah

Massacre enabler Wayne LaPierre is on television spreading the darkness and poison of the National Rifle Association way too often. He is possessed of an acute single-mindedness of purpose; making a case against any and all gun regulations.

He is routinely and justifiably taken to task  for his assertions that our government is an overly powerful, threatening , repressive and evil entity which the average citizen needs military level of personal firepower to be protected from.  He also despises professional Law Enforcement from the FBI to the cop on the street.

{When this originally went live LaPierre was still more laughable than frightening. Since then we’ve experienced every minute of the Trump Campaign (now presidency) and things aren’t so funny anymore.}

Wayne LaPierre’s macabre yet hilarious public appearances would be more frightening were he a better speaker or didn’t increasingly appear like just another crazy old country club republican. None the less he’s too insidious not to be taken seriously. The tone of his rhetoric is always angry and dark.  It’s difficult to come up with anyone outside the old Third Reich guys to compare him too. Gaslighting, moving the goal posts, the ridicule of law enforcement and a generous helping of borderline treason are his tools.

Aside from hating the government LaPierre likes to use plenty of Nazi-style “Them-ism” in every guise he can. Immigrants, muslims, democrats, artists, comedians, actors and more are called out as different and scapegoated in turn. Hypocrisy is big too. For instance despite being the holder of several degrees, LaPierre scoffs at educated people. Its pretty shameless.

Throw in the comic resemblance to the Gestapo officer who stalks Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark and the whole thing is just plain old creepy. In fact it’s pretty easy to think of movie villains who remind you of LaPierre and they all have one thing in alg-resize-red-skull-hugo-weaving-jpgcommon. They’re all violent Nazis. For instance; Hugo Weaving sort of captures a younger LaPierre in Captain America The First Avenger.

LaPierre is the CEO of the NRA and he has stuck with what he knows. Since his first days in the organization hes been spewing the same crazed non-logic. They have become more brazen of late though and added a new face, a former CNN and Fox News pundit; Loathsome Dana Loesch.

Image

from ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’

Presented in the Main Stream Media as a goon and a ghoul, LaPierre makes something like 8 million dollars a year as an Anti-Government firebrand and enabler of spree killings. He knows it’s a Golden Fucking Thing so he doesn’t hold back on the reckless, crazy talk his members love.

Many of his lies revolve around the fact no one is perfect and it’s an imperfect world. Hard to argue that part. Then he ‘cleverly’ alternates between out of context pieces of common sense and complete idiocy.

Basically his argument on any kind of Gun Control can be summed up as thus ‘There’s no one complete solution to stop everything, so why try anything?’ It’s applied to everything and then repeated over and over.

He’s could easily be called a coward who wouldn’t serve his country in time of war. It’s important to remember that when given a chance to serve his country with

Even New Yorkers, used to every form of offensive behavior, are shocked and sickened by LaPierre

The Daily News after the NRA reaction to Sandy Hook Massacre

a gun he refused and avoided the draft.

That’s right – Wayne LaPierre has never served in the Armed Forces in any capacity and he is often criticized as a Draft Dodger. 

In actuality he’s probably better described as a ‘Draft Evader”. If he were anyone else it would be no big deal, But he’s Wayne LaPierre and wants everyone to walk around with military weapons.

Remember this is a guy who has repeatedly said the only world that’s worth working to achieve is one where EVERYONE is ARMED. But he’s considered a Draft Dodger by many for his continual deferments to stay in school. Maybe THAT’S why he’s not overly proud of his advanced education?

Think about the hypocrisy.  His National Rifle Association clearly and loudly says ‘the more guns the better’. By NRA logic with everyone packing the safest country in the world until the early 1970’s could ONLY have been Vietnam! It’s almost an ideal place by NRA standards.

It’s actually very hard to imagine LaPierre serving his country after you’ve heard him speak.  Visualize a young LaPierre smugly sipping his Mr Pibb, bible in hand, indifferently watching the war from home via the news.

I’m sure Veteran’s who have seen LaPierre’s act are glad he’s not one of them (at least the AMERICAN ones, the former Vietcong would probably love him). In fact if LaPierre WERE a combat veteran and talked about violence and the government the way he does he would labelled and dismissed as a PTSD victim. 

How big a deal is not serving? It was pretty big for that generation. Let’s remember – Bill Clinton was scoffed at for the same thing. The criticism was so harsh he mostly eschewed military style salutes during his presidency (Bill  saluted civilian style, with right hand over heart). For context- Bill Clinton’s Republican critics thought it was huge. None the less their GOP successors forgive it of LaPierre. Could it be because the NRA ran 19 million dollars of Anti-Hillary ads and 11 million dollars in Pro Trump Ads in the 2016 Election?

Another accomplishment of LaPierre’s was to write an anti-Government screed so extreme it involved calling FBI Agents “Jackbooted Thugs” for their reaction to the family of armed white nationalists in the Ruby Ridge Incident.  Then President George H Bush was so offended he quit the NRA in disgust saying “Who the Hell Wayne LaPierre anyway?” And George H Bush was a Republican! How times have changed.

So, rounding out getting to know the leader of the NRA here’s some facts about LaPierre as well as some of his most common tactics when pushing his agenda in a handy bullet pointed list –

  •  Up until about 2015 most of his speeches are at lavish fundraiser dinners where the audio includes lots of ‘rich guys eating lobster’ with lots of ambient noise of cutlery and crockery. This is a fitting soundtrack as LaPierre is a true carnivore.
  • He always has Time Sensitive Hate Rants that directly address the latest headlines and spins them as arguments to expand the Second Amendment.  In fact LaPierre always mocks the victims of the most recent gun massacres. Usually he does this  by portraying them as unrealistic gadflies who shared some blame in their own deaths ( by NOT being armed at all times).
  •  He usually takes time to unwittingly underscore his actual irrelevance by pointing out he isn’t saying anything new or original (which is sort of like saying the same thing three different ways in a row).
  • His habit of going silent and waiting about 3 days to mock victims and survivors of the most recent mass shootings now seems quaint and polite. (Immediate mocking of victims now comes from Dana Loesch)
  • Has same ideas of who is old enough and smart enough to carry a machine gun as Hitler in the Battle of Berlin.
  • Blames the same videogames available everywhere for the uniquely American problem of Frequent Mass Shootings
  •  Likens everyone to a criminal and thinks we should all behave like societies lowest common denominator by imitating their behavior (i.e.  own and carry many guns)
  •  LaPierre is creepily inappropriate most of the time. For instance, he easily laughs and cracks jokes while discussing the most horrible and frightening crimes ever committed. It’s unsettling to anyone who doesn’t wish they lived next door to LaPierre.
  • frequently bristles at the words ‘reasonable’, ‘compromise’ and ‘logical’. He will attack anyone using these terms or related lines of reasoning.
  • Continually scoffs at the spirit of things like the Declaration of Independence and every other Government doctrine or law except the Second Amendment.
  • Seemingly LaPierre views the entire history of America simply as a series of justifications for the second Amendment
  •  Accuses minorities of using ugly slurs against him when they say he is an absolutist, a racist and crazy.  In fact these are actually dead on observations of LaPierre’s core traits. He routinely plainly declares he is an absolutist and claims its as a virtue.
  • Often paints non violence as a flawwayne-lapierre-cpac-good-guy-with-a-gun
  • Regularly expresses great anger at the idea people have principles other than Open Carry
  • In a fit of Gaslighting he always calls machine guns ‘100 year old technology’ as though machine guns weren’t the first weapon of mass destruction and debuted in World War 1. He implies they can’t still be lethal and also calls machine guns ‘cherished family heirlooms’. By this logic the North Koreans Nuclear Arsenal is just a bunch of  70 year old ‘Legacy Technology’.
  • Loves to make puzzling simplifications to insist all guns are the same. So automatics, machine guns, revolvers and starters pistols all the same to him. Its stunning this lie works so well.
  • He makes a conflated point by saying most guns are legally purchased. He leaves out that this is because the NRA has worked hard to make sure that there are no laws to regulate the sale of guns. He also doesn’t metion that most killers are legal gun owners til the moment the first bullet strikes flesh (because a miss can sometimes be a Legally allowable “warning shot’)
  • He constantly expresses hatred  of an appeal for “Collective Action”, scoffing at the concept of Collective Action in and of itself.  Then he asks his supporters to collectively march on the FBI or Congress. It’s THAT hypocritical

UPDATE- In the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings there has been a steadily rising and occasionally surging tide in favor of reforming the nation’s gun law policies. This is due in no small part to the repulsive nature of the counter arguments presented by Wayne LaPierre.

In 2018 Wikipedia listed LaPierre’s annual salary at just over 5 million dollars annually.

In a classy and appropriate gesture, Major League Baseball’s Opening Day Ceremonies for all teams included a Moment of Silence for the victims of Sandy Hook. Even at the Rangers – Astro’s Game in Houston, which would easily qualify as a hotbed of gun rights advocacy, not one of the fifty thousand or so in attendance made so much a peep during the observance.

The NRA’s reaction, if any, to Major League Baseball honoring the victims, will likely only drive more people from their ranks.

For theRealMcTeag post on Dana Loesch click here

For the post on Ted Nugent Click here

UPDATED 04/02/13

UPDATED 04/02/13

40.728224 -73.794852

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George H W Bush Dead; The Red Band Trailer

28 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by therealmcteag in #toc, 21st Century Political Movements, burning man cargo cult theme, Cargo Cult, Cargo Cults, Dead pool candidates, dealey plaza, Desert Storm, failed presidents, famous cargo cults, Famous Satanists, George HW Bush Dead, GeorgeHW Bush Improving, notable cargo cults, Political Cargo Cults, Political Satire, Politivians bound for Hell, presidents who sold souls, Psychic Predictions

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November 2018; as his stock continued to rise in the face of even more inept presidents, George HW Bush passed away from natural causes earlier today.

While in his time he was considered to be our second stupidest president his own son and of course BLOTUS Donald Trump have exceeded his ineptitude and pushed him into the ranks of “mediocre president”

Below is the original satirical obituary from SEVEN years ago, when it looked like he had little time left. He rallied back and lived to get accused of “Me-Too-ing” a couple of women, so he stayed current and maybe never really respected women. 

Former President George HW Bush, Dead at 88

Former President George HW Bush, Dead at 88

Former president George HW Bush passed away today, partially from Embarrassment upon getting what sources are calling “absolute genetic proof” he was in fact the father of subsequent president George W Bush.

“He had always suspected I had an affair because W was so slow;” a tearful former first lady Barbara Bush was quoted as saying.  Close friend William Bennett was reached at the Sands Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, where he swears he isn’t under house arrest for nonpayment of gambling debts. “He had always held out hope George W was someone else’s son in spite of the obvious physical resemblance.” Bennett said. “He was a proud man and he never could come to terms with the mistake he made not punching his wife harder in the belly while she was pregnant with W. I guess knowing for sure W is his was the final insult. Let’s face it, any man would have felt the same.” Bennett had learned of the former presidents passing when he asked why the flags at Churchill Downs were at Half Mast while he was placing online bets.

In his book “Blackmail Photo’s, My Time Serving in the Reagan Administration”, former Secretary of the Treasury Donald Reagan said of the senior Bush,”Whenever W would come around George would make a point of saying he had barely been in town when the kid

hot granddaughter Jenna is considered one of George HW Bush's greatest accomplishments as 1/2 of the hottest first daughter team ever.

hot granddaughter Jenna is considered one of George HW Bush’s greatest accomplishments as 1/2 of the hottest first daughter team ever.

was conceived and if it was his he”probably should have shot that one into the sink.” Bush, known for naming his penis after prominent Olympians,  also occasionally claimed radioactive alien remains he came into contact with as CIA director (under our 4th most failed president of the last 50 years, fellow Republican Gerald R Ford) had “fucked up all my little Mark Spitz’s for awhile.”

He cited a time travel paradox as the reason he was able to retroactively create a birth defect in a son who already 20 years old and working towards his first DUI at the time the encounter occurred.  When asked if he was upset someone else may have made love to his wife Bush would often fork his fingers in front of his mouth, flick his tongue rapidly, wink and say “at least somebody is!”

Word has it he had been watching Fahrenheit 9-11 while huffing oxygen when in a massive attack of common sense he realized he had been saved by his own penis from the title of “Most Failed President of the last 50 Years not named Richard Nixon”. The Medical Examiner has listed “Embarrassment” as the initial cause of death.

UPDATE- The ‘election’ of Donald Trump has moved George HW Bush to 4th worst president

In addition to other things i will delve into when he actually DOES die is the fact that George the 1st was a much braver pilot than his son and a slightly better one than John McCain.

Unlike his son, Bush 1 loved war in a personal hands on way as well as killing by remote control. A dedicated servant of darkness, war and death were near and dear to Bush Sr’s heart.  He happily served in the Pacific Theater during World War 2 where he was notably shot down and sadly saved by a submarine that was unfortunately nearby, sealing America’s fate and blowing a great chance to let the Japanese save us from two terrible presidents in one fell swoop. Damn their terrible marksmanship!

We were literally like less than a foot from never having to deal with either of these guys. It makes what happened to Little Joe Kennedy all the more tragic. This in and of itself justifies the dropping of both atomic bombs despite the Japanese begging us to accept their surrender for three months previous.

a gleeful George HW Bush showing he's not embarrassed he had already been shot down twice

a gleeful George HW Bush showing he wasn’t embarrassed that he had already been shot down twice. Note the Devil Tail on the “Barbara III logo! Imagine being this guys tail gunner? Probably the inspiration  for the Star Wars Character ‘Dak’.

During the war Bush passed his time cheating at poker, fantasizing about new ways to fail at his combat missions and how to lose more crew members in the torpedo bomber he helmed. Unlike fellow Navy Pilot and insane right wing war loving maniac John McCain he almost always landed on the aircraft carrier without damaging his plane. Occasionally he would come back having actually completed his missions. Despite incompetence, poor vision and an inability to read a map sheer love of war was enough to motivate Bush to rain death and destruction down upon the helpless civilians in the final month of the war when Japanese resistance was almost nil. “Sure we bombed hospitals, orphanages and old folks homes, but sometimes we would hit a factory and really take it to the Tojo’s!” he wrote home to his mother in 1945. In the same letter he enclosed the severed ear of a kamikaze pilot whose body Bush had taken custody of after the attack. He promised “more to come, I’ve really been reading the heck out of them taxidermy books you an pa sent me.”

In other letters home he would recount combat experiences. To his then 8 year sister Bush wrote,”They look like ants running away from me and that’s sort of how i think of them. I have never enjoyed anything in my life so much as the smell of their roasting flesh as I fly back to the carrier over the devastation and burned out buildings that I helped to destroy for America. I sleep like a baby at night knowing I am doing the work of the Lord. The only thing  that scares me is the thought that someone might invent a bomb so powerful that it could blow up an entire city and end this turkey shoot. God I feel alive today!”

Obsessed with hatred for his Asiatic enemies, Bush read an article in Life Magazine about the Flying Tigers but was so drunk on coconut hooch he thought the Japanese were afraid of Demons instead of sharks. The next morning a hung over Bush painted up his plane, Beautiful Babs, like a gigantic Satanic Bat with blood dripping from its fangs. Felton Carmichael, an African American Steward and anti aircraft gunner who served with Bush remembered him as a profoundly racist rank puller whose twisted love of war disgusted his comrades. “He loved them fat girls,” Carmichael recalled, desperately searching for positive things to say about his former comrade in arms. He recounted how, drunk and flush with money won cheating at poker, a jubilant Bush once engaged him in a conversation about the perils of combat. “He pulled out his wallet and after he made sure to flash a wad of hundreds he pulled out a picture of his future wife and said ‘Would you fear death if you had THIS waiting for you at home?’ He really was let down when the war ended,” recalled Carmichael. “Not just because he couldn’t kill people all day anymore, we all missed that part, but because he had survived and would have to go home and fuck that horrible monster. Lotta us survivors had that kind of guilt. I think a part of his soul died that day.”When asked if he was put off by Bush’s overt racism Carmichael nodded his head in accord saying,”He put me at ease with a lot of antisemitic jokes. I figured he hated Jews so much they must’ve sent him to the Pacific so he wouldn’t switch sides.”

When the war ended Bush had earned the Overseas Service Medal, the Air Medal, and a commendation for ingenuity when he made a low pass over a schoolyard of Japanese Children and used his planes propeller blades to decapitate them after expending all his ammunition on a Buddhist Shrine and Monastery.

By the wars ens he had taken off for 58 combat missions (and landed 23 times). Of the dozens of men to serve in Bush’s torpedo plane crew only the very last one survived the war (he voted for Dukakis).  All the rest were lost at sea when Bush would have them bail out so he would not run out of fuel.

“I wasn’t afraid to die,” said Bush,”Were I in their position I would have done the same thing. Imagine if that aircraft and pilot weren’t able to kill more people the next day? We were at war!”  lost in the moment he continued,”You can always train another tail gunner, but good pilots? Well, that’s a different story. I didn’t do it for me, I did it so America could Kill more people.” As always when speaking of his passionate love of war his nasally whining voice stood in stark contrast to his tough words.

Though they broke his heart by ending the war he loved so much, as president George H W Bush showed a softer side and would come to love nuclear weapons. Had he been re-elected he had planned to nuke Vietnam, Japan and Canada for an inaugural fireworks show. After Bill Clinton took office he spent most of the first day talking Bush into giving up the nuclear launch codes. Weeks later Bush was still calling a then deposed Gorbachev and threatening to “nuke his red Ivan ass!” In 1997 Gorbachev told the BBC,”I would try to tell him, ‘George, neither of us have that kind of power anymore.’ Then he would usually start weeping and lament he had wasted his chance to use the worlds biggest nuclear arsenal. This went on for several months. Whether he kept calling after I changed the number I just can’t tell you.”

After the war Bush tried to gain work as a prison executioner and later as an undertaker so he could be surrounded by death all the time.  Sadly he had no talent for these pursuits and turned to politics.

th

super fucking hot Jenna Bush

His reversal on “Voodoo Economics” upon insinuating his way into being Assassination Insurance for Ronald Reagan and his infamously insincere “Read my Lips, No New Taxes” statements defined this walking contradiction of a president who would sometimes look like he knew exactly what he was doing and the next moment would puke on the president of Japan. The president of Japan deserved it though, because as noted earlier, the poor marksmanship of the Imperial Japanese Army caused the entire world 12 years of suffering under 2 different George Bush’s.

Bush leaves behind two super hot Granddaughters that I will find provocative pictures of for his official post death obituary. We will talk extensively of the Bush Legacy of Economic failure, Unnecessary Wars, Crushing of the Middle Class and Whopping Lies as numerous as his references to his laughable “Thousand Points of Light Foundation”, a presidential charity so ill defined Historians have chosen to largely ignore it rather than attempt to make any sense of it.

Bush's other granddaughter laura isd also smoking hot and enhances her beauty by always wearing a Kristen Steweart like "Total Fucking Bitch" expression.

Bush’s other granddaughter Barbara is also smoking hot and enhances her beauty by always wearing a Kristen Stewart like “Total Fucking Bitch” expression.

Undeservedly elected president based on simply being Assassination Insurance for Ronald Reagan he was the very first Pope of the hilariously misguided Republican Cargo Cult.  American’s will remember him for his spelling ace vice president, his hot granddaughters, the relative who fucked the maid and created Jorge P Bush, his losing in a landslide to scandal ridden and beatable Bill Clinton and,perhaps most notably, despite being a one termer, being responsible for fully half of all Bush family presidential election wins.

His insincere laugh, sissy voice and effeminate way of threatening other world leaders will also figure greatly into his legacy. Though he claimed to hail from Texas, probably to offset his obvious stupidity, he had the nattering annoying voice worthy of a Masshole Red Sox Season Ticket Holder, which in fact he was. In later years the older Bush was often seen at sporting events supporting unlovable teams like the Houston Astro’s and the Texas Rangers. Like all true assholes, he was a big Dallas Cowboys fan. At many games he would appear as a sober counterpart to his unbelievably intoxicated son with other notable assholes like Jerry Jones and Nolan Ryan, one of baseball’s least worthy Hall of Famer’s. When asked about Ryan Bush once remarked,”I like a man who can walk 200 batters in a season and still make the Hall of Fame, he’s an example to all mediocre people everywhere that if you never really try but keep showing up you might just fluke your way into some kind of success.  I see myself in him.” Even more irritating, because he spent so much time in New England, he also got to enjoy Tom Brady’s spotlight turn as God’s Man Crush and winning a bunch of Superbowl’s too. Thankfully he was never associated with the New York Yankees, who have enough conservative assholes in the stadium now that seats are an arm and a leg now anyway.

When George the 1st finally does shuffle off this mortal coil we will also have a good laugh at the hilarious fact that the GOP is actually considering trying to make Jeb Bush into George III. Good luck with that one tea baggers! he will never be president. Chelsea Clinton has a better chance.

George HW Bush has now been replaced by Jimmy Carter as second least successful living President and Dan Quayle now moves into second place behind Dick Cheney as second most hated vice president. When reached for comment Carter simply said, “He always had the worst breath and cheated at golf.”

The former president will lie in state at  the front gate of Fenway Park where he personally witnessed the first Red Sox World Series Game ever. The sleeves of his suit will be cut off so mourners can see Bush Senior’s extensive collection of tattoo’s, some of which date back to his military service in the Second World War. Bush also had a large rendering of the album cover of Iron Maiden’s “Killers” on his right forearm. he would often point to his tattoo, blow on his fist and say “the Maiden tattoo is for when I arm wrestle that Gorbachev guy!”

“I only wish we could bury him face down,” said son Herb, the only Bush with the decency to spare the country a political career of his own,”he had an awesome tat of the KISS “Dressed to Kill” album across his entire back he would show everyone he met!” The former president’s son reminisced about some aspects of his father the public may not have previously known. “My Dad loved music, man. I mean, he really loved it. System of a Down, Lamb of God, Machinehead, sometimes the Deftones, Ozzy, Maiden, Judas Priest, plenty of Black Sabbath and of course Mercyful Fate. Some pussies like Chris Christie pretend to like Springsteen so they can score points with the electorate. Not my Dad. He refused to even have Bruce at the White House. He just put on my moms dress, a wig and some old shades I think Jackie O left behind and went to see Slayer instead. That was my old man, he loved his Metal. Whenever I hear Ronnie James Dio I’m gonna get a little choked up and think of my Dad.” Herb then flashed his “Devil Horns” hand sign and wiped a tear from his eye.

George W Bush finished what his father started- pointlessly alienating every single person in the Middle East

George W Bush finished what his father started- pointlessly alienating every single person in the Middle East

A faithful vassal of his Lord and Master Satan, Bush’s body is expected to explode in a ball of fire in roughly 6 days as he descends into Hell where he is expected to be offered a management position.

Notable George HW Bush trivia facts include – He had the second lowest college grades of any president when he took office. After his son took office HW had the third lowest grades of any president. He spent a larger percentage of his presidency on vacation than any president other than his own son. He threw America’s Fourth Most Pointless War in the Ass kicking we call Desert Storm. In Desert Storm we freed the citizens of a totalitarian government from the clutches of another totalitarian government in the name of Freedom so their original, legitimate oppressors, could get on with the legitimate repression. In the process he set up a pointless rivalry with Sadaam Hussein and his third rate thug army and pissed off a

In war he fought like a man, in baseball, well, he threw like a girl.

In war he fought like a man, in baseball, well, he threw like a girl.

former CIA trained anti Soviet operative, Osama bin Laden. Both of these things would cause major problems in the years ahead. Among his greatest accomplishments was creating 100,000 wounded warriors who had to spend almost 20 years pleading with the country they served for medical help with the now confirmed malady know as “Gulf War Syndrome.” His pointless use of military force at the slightest provocation ensure him a war mongering legacy boasting a disregard for human life as heinous as Andrew Jackson’s.

A private ceremony is planned for this Sunday at the Dallas First Church of Satan,Reformed, just steps from Dealey Plaza. “Dad wanted the services to be near Dealey Plaza” said an even more intellectually inhibited than usual George W. Bush, (or possibly Will Ferrell, there’s no being sure), “he said he had done some of his best work there.”

He was 89 years old.

UPDATE 6-12-13- George H W Bush celebrated his 89th birthday today in defiance of all predictions. Kudos, but we’re still ready for when you go to your reward!

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