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Skipping Rise of Skywalker was the Start of Fan Rebellion Against Disney

26 Sunday Jan 2020

Posted by therealmcteag in Disney Star Wars, jj abrams, Uncategorized

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baby yoda, Carrie Fisher, DC, DC Universe doomed by JJ Abrams, EFAP, episode 9, Humour, jj abrams serial killer, kelvin timeline, Kylo Ben, luke skywalkers lightsaber, Mauler, mystery box, Palpatine, rian johnson disaster, sci-fi, solo movie, Star Trek, Star Trek Picard, star wars, star wars movie fails, Star Wars the Last Jedi, star wars the rise of skywalker, the force awakens, thelast jedi awful

rots_rotten

Well, howd y’all like that Episode 9? The lowest rated Star Wars Movie of all time is still slipping on Rotten Tomatoes.  I dont think its going to stabilize anytime soon. JJ Abrams is now a Serial Killer of Sci-Fi franchises.

Let’s look at the Wake of Destruction he hath wrought.

For Starters; thanks to JJ Abrams 7 years after was basically run off the Final Frontier Star Trek is still reeling and very much needs the Picard show to work out or that might just be it.

Devastatingly bad ideas like the hated Kelvin Timeline are still just tying the hands of the creatives. Bad Star Trek Discovery  is losing a plagiarism suit to a video game and it shows. File that bad show under “not good enough for regular TV” Its bad Star Trek and bad TV. Hopefully they can abandon the Discovery ship out some plot friendly back door? I would suggest “They were ALWAYS from another Dimension” or “They’re ONLY from the Hated Kelvin Timeline”? Just brainstorming.

Why listen to me I’m just the guy who championed Rey being a clone made from LUKE’S SEVERED HAND! Something Palpatine would have been able to get! It’s better than anything about her we got from JJ Abrams in these movies at any time.

Seriously I’m just gonna say it; the Luke’s hand idea is better than all three JJ Abram’s origin stories on Overpowered Rey. Okay, its fan fiction, but the movies awful and its just to prove it didnt have to be. We just filled in one HUGE plot hole problem using what they call creativity. JJ Abrams is supposed to be great at this? Why’s he losing a brainstorming contest to a blogger?

First of all the story starts elsewhere. Yup, the movie starts with a reveal in the blurb that fans of Fortnite already knew. Old Palpy is alive?! It’s such a bad idea maybe people wrote it off as a little canon fun, but NO! A video game starts the story.

JJ Abrams unspools the plot of the movie in a shock reveal in a video game. Yup. And if you didn’t play that game he sort of think’s you came in unprepared. Abrams is that dick professor who kicked you out of class as an example to others.

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So if you ‘cheap-ed out’ or didn’t finish the game here’s the deal – despite being dropped a few miles and being blown up twice, the Emperor is back. Don’t bother thinking too much about it, its never explained. Like so much else in these Sequel Movies things just happen.

So far since Disney took over and hired him JJ’s been destroying Star Wars. I was stunned how badly he did. I mean, I knew he would fail, but WOW!

I can hold my head up knowing I didn’t waste my money on this Rise of Skywalker turd. Sure it made its Billion Dollars, but it took longer than the other movies to hit the number. The reviews weren’t mixed, they were excoriating. Still, for a day or two the fan score held out on Rotten Tomatoes, then it just collapsed. What went wrong? It was JJ Abrams and his half-assed Star Wars vision…or should say lack of vision?

Disney has made five of these Star Wars movies and only one is good in the form of Rogue One. Solo is at best mediocre and its poor box office take really upped the pressure for Episode 9 to be great. Wow did that ever not work out.

Star Wars is supposed to be about Rebelling against an Evil Empire, not submitting to one! It’s that simple. In this case, the Evil Empire is Disney.  Darth Abrams was a bad choice from the word go. The signs were there but people ignored them

JJ Abrams – The Man Who Kills Franchises

The problem is JJ Abrams can only write beginnings, and even then only by creating issues he cant fix because hes simply not that creative.  Abrams being stuck in his schematic “Mystery Box Method” of always doing a shock reveal and the endless lens flare just gets old fast. He’s incorrigible.

He’d failed to end the show LOST acceptably and made perhaps the most anger generating final episode ever. There’s a reason LOST isn’t in re-runs. It was all false canon and zero pay off.  It might be the worst series ending of all time. But people convinced themselves he was David Lynch. He’s so not.

Then one bad movie revealed all and the failures have pretty much always gone down the same way.

JJ Abrams created a movie so bad that it exonerated every other Star Trek writer or director in TV or film to that time. We’re talking all time low. The Rise of Skywalker implodes almost the same way.  A quick look back at JJ Abram’s recent work in Sci-Fi is informative.

Only 10 years ago he was the New and Forever Star Trek Creator. It was a marriage made in Hell. Movie one was surprisingly good. It seemed like we’d be okay. At first glance it was a lot better than Force Awakens. Then he very quickly falls off a cliff.

Awful sequel Star Trek Into Darkness was just a disaster. The word tropes started getting thrown around. If we unpacked it, really its just another one of his high stakes movies where the bad guy has a Death Star like weapon. He lied to the fans to make the story pop more, and fans hated the movie.

Rhymin’ and Stealin’ – How JJ Abrams Movies Implode

From the false flag pre movie rumors and outright lies in the early pre publicity right up to the botched rollout, Star Trek Into Darkness was a heap of shit you knew wasn’t going to work! Abrams sort of ends up telling people they watched his movie wrong while also saying he actually did blow a few scenes in the movie in the publicity leading up to the release. He apologized for inartful jamming in an exploitive scene of a woman getting undressed in front of Kirk. He was right, its done like shit. This starts the trend of JJ’s movies falling apart after a half hour and then being somewhat worse as every increment of 10 minutes goes by til the movie finally just stops (rather than ends).

It’s also maybe the first time he kills and then un-kills a beloved key character using a plot device that just wasn’t given enough attention to seem viable. Basically a Supersoldier Blood Infusion to bring back a dead Kirk. Anything out there in pop culture is fair game. Let’s call it the start of shamelessly stealing from Marvel too (more recently Rise of Skywalker re-used the end of Avengers-Endgame).

Benedict Cumberbatch’s career faltered momentarily and he needed to stay out of America til the stench cleared. For a minute there it really looked like he didn’t know how to act. Cumberbatch has since more than redeemed himself. We know now it was bad dialogue and bad direction. And a movie with an introduced that just needed to go somewhere. Like even just some planet, do some Star Trek stuff, and fails miserably.

Around the same time people starting listening to JJ’s insulting commentary on his first Star Trek movies special edition back when DVDs were all the rage. Let me tell you no one can make their own work seem so bland and undercut their authenticity better than Abrams.

At some point he’s maybe drunk or stoned or something and riffing on his movie. There’s an accidental admission that his first Star Trek just didn’t work at all. The he lets go it had a lot of cut scenes (which we saw) and that they’d gotten lost in a couple of rabbit holes. This only makes you wish the movie had gone in a different direction. Moreover the left out ideas seem really interesting.  Still, the movies pretty good and the franchise seem set up.

The JJ Uncorks a wild one- while discussing the “Angry Future Romulan’s” it becomes obvious a lot of writing happened post filming and it seemed three Star Trek projects leading in different directions were unified by a few lines enabling dialogue and a genius editor. What role CGI played I can’t say but the approach being ad hoc is out there

It was also just unsettling to hear. Sounded a little bit like maybe he just got lucky. Now we know that’s actually what happened. The movies one long introduction anyway, so it was deceptively good. The guy writes good beginnings, but then he can’rt advance without all sorts of canon destroying parent killing trope-y-ness.

Scapegoating Fans

In interviews JJ always seemed to be passively aggressively attacking the fans. I lost count of how many times he criticized the original show or anyone who’d be so dumb as to watch it. I guess because Felicity was available on DVD? I can’t figure him out; I can only forecast his movies by low-balling everything and assuming he’ll miss the mark. This is simplistic, I know, but it has worked. Its worked for essentially 5 straight movies where he’s head creative. Why should he get a break for The Last Jedi? He was in charge, he was too into his 2 years off to care and when he paid attention again Star Wars was seriously fucked up.

JJ’s basic schtick was – I fixed your lousy Star Trek.

Soon he was gone from the franchise. These traits were well out there though and he gets the Star Wars gig.

The Destruction of Star Wars

All JJ Abrams problems would be even worse when he got to Star Wars. Out of control parent killing. Having it both ways on killing characters by ping-ponging from life to death in a flimsily explained way. Fleeing in shuttles, over and over. Crashing your ship into an enemy ship. Bad Guys with some kind of Death Star Variant. Lying to the fans trying to make the movie pop more. Failing to pay off story elements (Luke’s lightsaber’s journey from Bespin to Rey’s hands?) and lots of false canon.

Firstly, to most fans, it wasn’t that badly broken. Turning Kirk into Indiana Jones and boasting about it made Kirk predictable. You knew from Indy that “When he fights doesn’t so much win as gets lucky because he can take a beating” and all the other traits were there too.

At this point JJ had double dipped by both angering the Star Trek fans and  signing with Disney and he was pretty much on his way out to go and destroy Star Wars. While we now know its because he cant write, at the time it seemed like he was trying to kill the Star Trek franchise.

A few humiliating TED Talks about the schematic nature of his film making gave away way too much. And it’s now obvious he just has no plan. Its probably why they bought in a different director and writer to write a middle for the series.

At this point some of us realize the movies are just getting worse. And the amount of homework we have to do to understand whats going on starts to really go up and become a boring grind.

yoda_kylo

Others bash Rise of Skywalker better than I ever can, but we all know that  all through this Sequel Trilogy they’ve treated the original characters with great disrespect. Carrie Fisher had to die to be treated respectfully and by then only so much could be fixed.  So we wont dwell on the problems Carrie passing caused. There’s no need. There’s plenty else wrong with this movie.

It’s a Fetch-Quest Video game like The Division. Except not as engaging.  Thrown together with the highlight being Babu Frick and Power Ranger Felicity. Keri Russell will make a fortune and possibly was on set 3 hours.  Its all a joke to JJ!

Soft Death scenes and what seem like true losses of characters are just bought back with little explanation or a bad explanation.

Now we have an insanely bad Star Wars movie I was able to watch online with a few slick moves. EFAP and Mauler on youtube have a combined 14 hours of podcast on just what a disaster The Rise of Skywalker is. One thing’s for sure Star Wars Stockholm Syndrome, while real, was broken to pieces. No amount of fanciful justifications will ever make people see one of these if the trailer is bad again.

Just because the real world is  a mess is our escape from the real world to be a mess as well? I wont pay for this until the quality is there. That means 8 weeks of Disney Plus a year to watch the baby Yoda Show at this point.

JOIN THE REBELLION! If you saw this movie dont see it again! And dont stream it! that’s just rewarding Disney and they’ve taken that as a licence.

The Last Jedi brutally woke us up to the fact no one had clue how to write this stuff and the Lucas dialogue is now sounding a lot better. Seriously we have that much fail here

That JJ was too lazy or damaged to bother giving us a movie that made sense and since The Last Jedi had already shattered some canon Abrams had a blank check to fail.  So he did. Every bad thing we heard made it into the movie.

ros_han

One things his Star Wars movie did at the end was unite the fans in anger.

From Palpatine’s horrible military plan built around shock reveals, to trying to un-do Rian Johnson’s failed vision of an old, cowardly, grumpy failed child murderer Luke Skywalker, nothing worked. Throw in some really bad continuity issues for fun too.

luke_TLJ_milk

 

So we got action instead of substance.  We’ve got lots of things jammed in together quickly. Like all our heros in one place at the same time. For the first time in this series. At least it was on the Falcon!

Who are these new characters and is anyone else upset they were named Zora and Zaina but were unrelated? Not too creative.

Tales of a better cut of the movie abound. The amount of cognitive dissonance it takes to believe Disney killed the movie or had some kind of hard cap on run time is preposterous. An excellent movie could have flirted with three hours. The idea this horrible movie that makes no sense was made in spite of better product is ridiculous.

He will say we watched it wrong soon. We weren’t wrong, it was the same ending as the Avengers Endgame, just done badly this time.

So much was lost in the shuffle. The preposterous and unexplained journey of Luke Skywalker’s light saber from Bespin to Rey is a novel few will pony up for, and just one of many pay offs that this trilogy fails to deliver.

If your name is JJ Abrams the only price you pay for failure is critical blog posts and youtube content providers killing you. He’s off to destroy DC. It’s a mind blowing end to a contract that probably just should have just been given to Peter Jackson.

I was right. This movie is a streaming rental.

So while the Baby Yoda show seems to be promising, it seems the Marvel People will now get what’s left of Star Wars, and really, its for the best.

Pour yourselves a drink Star Wars fans, JJ Abrams is gone. Now dont be an idiot and pay another hundred bucks to buy the comics and novels they will crank out to try to un-fuck this turd. There should be a price for failure.

If you go out there buying the new merchandise and help them to a point where THIS movie is a success? The movies will keep getting worse.

ros_blurb2

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I’m Not Seeing The Rise of Skywalker and Neither Should You!

20 Friday Dec 2019

Posted by therealmcteag in Disney Star Wars, star wars,, The Rise of Skywalker, Uncategorized

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dont sdee rise of skywalker, dont see rise of skywalker, dont see star wars, emperor palpatine returns badly, force awakens, George lucas, harrison ford, jj abrams, JJ Abrams tropes, last jedi, last jedi awful, McTeag's Law of Star Wars Movies, Rise of skywalker awful, Rise of Skywalker Bad, rise of skywalker review, rise of skywalker toys and collectibles, rogue 1, rogue one, see star wars at home instead, solo movie, Star Trek, star wars, Star Wars Emperor, star wars novies getting worse, The Rise of Skywalker, why syo, why you shouldnt see Rise of Skywalker

Bad Trailers and Two Bad Sequel Prequels Point to Bad Movie

Sadly, we have been down the road of Bad Star Wars movies, especially since Disney took over, too many times. At every step of the way the sacred trust and love people have for the movies prevent you from getting any read on a movie you’ve seen 10 out of context minutes of in all sorts of commercials already. From candy to cars, Star Wars sells it all. 

Right now an early, spoiler-y but terrible review has emerged from GQ which kills the movie; starting with it’s really bad re-introduction of Palpatine. Here’s a quick quote that sums up what sounds awful – 

The “return” of Palpatine could easily turn out to be some clever scheme by some unknown villain, who hopes gain power by drafting on the reputation of the terrifying emperor.

 

And then, just a minute or two later, Kylo Ren comes face-to-face with Emperor Palpatine himself—very much alive, thank you—and Rise of Skywalker starts digging a hole it never finds a way to climb out from.

This damning piece of information, which shows nothing was learned from the (Horrible) Solo Movie Easter Egg as far as being unexplained and bad, seems pretty movie-killing just on its own. Its apparently right up front and there was worse in there. 

The Phantom Menace Paradox

My warning here probably won’t stop anyone either,  because Star Wars Stockholm Syndrome is REAL! People sympathize with anything slapped with the Star Wars logo.

How bad is it? Well, The Phantom Menace was the biggest grossing of the Lucas made movies. So, in a sense there’s no way to measure how good the movie is. That Phantom Menace defied the few realistic but much shared bad reviews and scathing word of mouth to be the most lucrative Star Wars Movie clouded peoples judgement. The malignant concept “now they’re Bomb Proof” was born. Fortunately the prequels got better fast, but the Box Office, while still great, was a bit down after Phantom Menace initially tarnishes the concept. even though it takes til home video for anger to really emerge. 

In contrast; near perfect movie Revenge of the Sith had a sort of disappointing box office. It wasn’t really about the movie, which, again, is really good. People were tired of Star Wars by this point.  Some people had hated both the previous movies. Also at that point, with all the video and re-releases, they had flooded the market. These things as well as being the only R rated Star Wars movie made it a cautionary box office tale compared to the inferior film, Phantom Menace. Another bad precedent was set. 

NOTE-Revenge of the Sith is slowly redeeming itself because there’s just a lot worse Star Wars movies out there. It had mixed reviews and was somewhat overlooked initially, but that’s another post.

But the idea a truly bad Star Wars movie was still going to do great financially was out there and it was just too intoxicating. Crank out the movies and merch and stay away from what made Return of the Sith great was sort of built into the game plan. 

Disney seems to have taken this as a license of sorts. They know the movies can’t truly fail (or so we still think), so what difference does it make if it could be better so long as it opens on time? Sort of like “Its crazy to own an Orange Grove and not plant oranges in orange season.” They paid out the nose for this and they built a theme park around it that costs a fortune to go to. 

No one believes they’re ever going to slow down the franchise until they can make, you know, decent movies. They just want their holiday Skywalker franchise and their summer Star Wars Stories  to open on time. After all, a lengthy delay didn’t help SOLO, which wasn’t even the best Sci-Fi movie with a Paul Bettany Death Scene in theaters that week (That would have been Avengers: Infinity Wars).

Critics have finally found some courage since the disaster that was The Last Jedi and the lackluster “Solo” movie that just felt like what many said it was- a wikipedia page on screen. So while Rogue One was an amazing view, the other three movies from the JJ Abrams crew up to now are bad or even awful.

The Curious Curse of Hiring JJ Abrams

While some people might be more forgiving, JJ Abrams will always be the guy who gave us the worst series ending of all time with LOST way back in the day. A seed was planted – JJ Abrams can only wrote beginnings. Nothing since then has disproved it.

Abrams romp through the Star Trek Universe left it so messed up things are still not really together a decade later! Chances Quentin Tarantino directs a Star Trek movie are far from high and seeming to drop weekly. The two TV shows, one bad, one yet to be seen, won’t be on regular TV but a streaming pay service from CBS. In the case of Discovery, season one wasn’t good enough for TV. The other show, Picard, appears to exist outside the so called “Kelvin Timeline” people so hate, so it may be good.

The truth is JJ Abrams is a Tropey, check off the boxes and terribly safe writer on the Star Wars movies. He’s mistake prone and creates boring enemy ships and aliens. The formula when Abrams is writing is schematic and transactional, never, ever missing a merchandising plug. Grasping at any plot device to advance from one “Star Wars Moment” to the next, we get from point A to point B in the most predictable way possible most every time.

For example- Is it really plausible Finn and Po are close friends because for 3 minutes they attempted to escape the First Order together? Consider for a moment how brief and frenetic their meeting actually is. No effort was made to really give them the kind of time together it takes to sell a buddy connection. It’s simply bad storytelling. It’s okay, you didn’t watch it wrong, it really is bad.

So the clunkiness and the impersonal nature of the heroes compounds to the point you’re just waiting for something to happen or the movie to end. JJ Abrams didn’t invest emotionally in these characters, why should we? Because he talked us out of about 18 bucks? Because getting conned sucks? I don’t know but people seem to never attack the movie without throwing some justification in there too. In this case it’s “worth it so see the end of the franchise no matter how good or bad.” It’s a cult in some ways.

Back to the new character.  The fact that BB-88 is one the most popular and relatable characters says something. Non verbal and usually pure slapstick. He’s a break from the lack of substance because a droid bouncing off the walls during a space dogfight was funny and didn’t go on too long. The other characters? Maybe the fact they ARE verbal hurts? Dialogue has never been great in Star Wars, but these Disney movies feature some of the blandest techno-babble ever.

McTeag’s Law of New Star Wars Movies

The Rule seems to be ‘The further they get from Lucas material the worse the movie.’

Selling Out to Sell Toys

Who among us will ever forget the Disney lowpoint with C-3PO pointlessly mentioning his red arm? Out of context and needless. It was just there to visually (and financially) differentiate the Toy income stream. It differentiates the C-3PO toys Disney and Abrams gets more of than the ones that are more like the Lucas version, which Lucas gets more of the money from. 

These movies have some of the worst toy connections ever, probably because the ships and creatures aren’t that good so they have to be pushed hard. And really, it’s only just so great compared to the Lucas conceived stuff.

At this point I have to note -JJ Abrams is also a bad toy developer, which in these movies, really hurts. The stuff he outright inherited from Lucas is amazing and we love stuff like Han’s blaster, Luke’s lightsaber and the sounds they made when primed, when fired and the level of damage they did to a target. In contrast Abram’s gave us things like Kylo Ren’s lightsaber, which angered and confused fans with its ‘self amputating’ looking crossguard. 

The elephant in the room is simply money and an intellectual property contract that showed Lucas is still an amazing businessman. Disney only “owns” it just so much and Lucas seems to have found a way to get paid again if too much of HIS vision is used. It turns out Lucas is also pretty successful in litigation when he sets his pack of lawyers on people, even Disney. I don’t think he went out of his way to make this clear and waited for them to make a mistake. Rogue One was almost pure Lucas and I think, with no proof, that he had his lawyers go down there to Rat HQ at Disney with a very serious letter about how much they needed to pay for exceeding the copyright. Good for Lucas, bad for fans as the run from Lucas properties becomes a priority and a plot driver for the Disney Movies.

This is why the killing off of his properties has been central to this new series. In The Last Jedi they kill off the ships from Lucas’ movies. Before that in so-so Force Awakens, Han Solo is just plain old killed in a typical ‘Abrams Parent Killing Scene’ we’re so used to its no longer emotional. For example, he kills 2 parents in half an hour in his first, deceptively good but “all beginning” Star Trek movie. It’s his last nominally good movie. Follow up Into Darkness was a complete mess and disaster that angered all Trek fans as he seemed to sabotage the franchise on the way out the door. One of the biggest insults- lying about what was in the movie to make it pop more. “It’s not Khan but a new villain named Harrison” was ridiculous and no one was surprised it was just bull when they saw the movie. 

Into Darkness was THE most apologized for moment in a Franchise that at different times has starred a bunch of geriatrics, was written by soap opera and western writers, was for a time abandoned by its creator and was led by William Shatner on a shoestring TV budget in the Politically Incorrect 1960s!!! Whats THAT say? 

Since it’s the same fans for the most part, no one was all that psyched to see him land at the helm of Star Wars, and Disney has turned out to be a bad fit. Talk about “Failing Your Way Up!”

In the Disney Star Wars Universe it’s this simple -the closer they get to Lucas’ Vision of The Galaxy Far, Far Away the more Lucas must be paid. But the closer to Lucas the better the movie. Disney just wants money.

George Lucas, The Real Emperor of the Galaxy Far, Far Away

Unlike Abrams,  Lucas’ genius as a filmmaker pales in comparison to his abilities as a highly profitable business man. Time and again he puts profits first and gets them. 

George Lucas generated a fortune for the studios and he managed to please the fans about four and half times out of 6 tries. The only things people truly hated was his slow pace of development between projects and retconning too much.

Hollywood loved that he put profits first too. In one case a better video transfer technique was right around the corner, but the deadline was more important and a pink shift/ purple shift affected the way the entire first trilogy looked. (Note- the version in Disney Plus right now is even a little more re-engineered, with the damage from other transfers somewhat addressed.) Now it looks like he understood the market and his abilities better than people ever gave him credit for. 

Theres Only One George Lucas

At the end of the day the fact is George Lucas was far and away a better creative than JJ Abrams and still made a lot of money. Mountains of it. This is because Lucas self corrected a couple of times. Abrams, contrastingly, has been making and remaking the same two plots for 15 years now.  And one plot is just ‘total pasted together fan-angering mess!’ and the other is “Bad Guys Have an ad hoc Death Star”  

Yes, Phantom Menace is terrible, but things improved fast despite the lack of goodwill for awhile towards the prequels. The bottom line – most of the things people hated in Phantom Menace are minimized or written away in Attack of the Clones, a movie that gets BETTER every 10 minutes even if its never really “great” it’s not terrible like its prequel and doesn’t make all the same mistakes that movie makes(only some of them, mostly upfront). 

You’ll Love it for 6 Bucks

That’s right, I said it, Rise of Skywalker will be a great view in a few months when you can watch it at home for 6 bucks. You’ll probably feel pretty good about punting on it. The theater is just a bad risk now. Some people I know have already seen it and one review was ‘preposterous’. So I don’t think I’m gonna end up being wrong on this. 

My Plea

Don’t bother going to the theater to enable a bad incarnation of a once great franchise. The movie looks derivative and bad. The lead up and trailers are bad. The promise to slow down making the movies if we just see this one is not encouraging at all and wont be kept.

So skip this movie, or, as a wise Sith once said to Luke Skywalker; “You will pay the price for your lack of vision!”

May the Force be with You as you watch the Mandalorian with a borrowed Disney code. That at least has mostly been really good.  Screenshot 2019-12-20 at 11.53.10 PM

Just Another Sci Fi Franchise

That’s right, you heard it here first. The bloom has been off the rose for awhile, but now the Star Wars movies are just plain old movies like any other franchise.  Worse yet, these newer movies have a higher chance of being bad than just any sci fi movie, and in fact Avengers has been better for a while.  While Rogue One delivered, really the next best movie they’ve given us is the shaky (and now undermined) The Force Awakens, which is not quite as good as Phantom Menace. 

And there’s no real need to go to crime ridden Orlando for the Theme Park til the price comes down either  but that’s another post. 

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Why Star Wars Movies Keep Getting Worse

26 Saturday May 2018

Posted by therealmcteag in Uncategorized, Why Star Wars Movies Keep Getting Worse

≈ 2 Comments

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George lucas, George Lucas fails, George Lucas Wins, Guillermo del toro, hellboy, hellboy 2 the golden army, how star wars keeps failing, jj abrams, Marvel Star Wars Crossover Movie, Pan's Labyrinth, solo movie, Solo Movie FAIL, Star Trek, Star wars fails, Star Wars Sucks, The Phantom Menac, What keeps going wrong with Star Wars Movies, why there will never be another good star wars movie, why you shouldnt see Solo Movie

Parallel Cosmologies

Well if you can mess up a Han Solo movie you can mess up anything. While Solo wasn’t a complete disaster it wasn’t as good as Rogue 1 or Revenge of the Sith. In general the movies are trending down. I have a few theories about exactly why this is happening.

Here’s my take on how these movies have gotten to the point making a good one is not likely at all-
The Wrong Movies Made MUCH More Money

Biggest Single Problem – The Phantom Menace is the highest grossing movie. That means every movie since has had elements of this huge fail thrown in. They think their giving the people what they want. It’s just because the price of movie tickets had hit an all time high (and has not gone up much since) around the time the movie came out AND the Star Wars Mandela Effect (more on that later)

Return of the Jedi is probably the highest grossing of the original trilogy in initial releases for all the obvious reasons. ROTJ is so flawed the Ret-Conning starts pretty quickly. Its probably the most re-made of the original movies too. This leads to a lot of problems. Lucas keeps helicoptering back to do a little more here and there.

One of the now recurring problems starting with ROTJ is “Unfrozen Han Solo” is a hit as a giddy comic relief type with no remaining darkness. It completes the characters journey from hard bitten cynic and works only in that sense. Sadly that version of Solo was the one we get in the Solo origin movie. It hamstrung the movie and the character.

Un-Failing Through Sheer Profitability has made the movies bomb proof and review-proof. How do you get a read on a franchise when your most flawed movie is highest grossing and you discount pent up demand?
Tech Crazy Money Hungry Mistakes and Purple Shift Compromise Originals

Along the way Lucas really fucks up and ‘Purple Shifts’ the prints of the original movies. In other words he was too quick to digitize the movies and they suffer from a then unnoticed flaw in technology. All colors pulled towards purple. Only a few people notice, until everyone does. Then you see it to the point its distracting. Its likely the original color scheme is gone forever.

Star Wars Stockholm Syndrome- Mandela Effect

People just seem to blame themselves when they see a multi-billion dollar grossing movie that they know sucks. Herd Mentality and groupthink kick in. You see the same thing with badly designed cell phones.

Apple especially has introduced flawed phones and blamed the user. One time they convinced everyone they just couldn’t take a picture right. Hey it worked, right? Forget that they hadn’t worked out a huge bug and just patched it. The story held up.

In the Galaxy Far, Far Away Stockholm Syndrome, where we sympathize with our captors meets the Mandela Effect; which is a phenomena whereby we create a false memory, meet. The bottom line is people convince themselves that the Star Wars writers can do no wrong and then recall their trip to the theater as better than it was.  It’s not crazy, its probably the only way to rationalize the cash massacre of a trip to the theater with a family. Youre out a hundred bucks! “It wasn’t that bad” is actually a very normal compensation.

Most people think they enjoyed the movies no matter what. It’s like a lot of people are inoculated ahead of time against believing the movie could be bad.

There’s a harsh group of fans who also just hate every movie and at one time they were cranks. No one wants these cynics to win. It’s self spite-ing denial that the doomsayers ended up being right. People HATE being wrong as much as they hate being conned. They will often Con themselves as a self defense mechanism.

This means no one’s Word of Mouth Testimonials about the movies can really be believed. They’re lying to themselves and will try to get you to validate it for them by telling you it was good or that it was worth seeing.

Toy Money

The toy money is just as green as the movie money. So if the movie is a little off the mark more toys can be released and people will buy them no matter what. So you can ‘save’ movies with toys

The cruel Paradox; Toys are for Children; doesnt happen exactly like you might think, but it affects the movies.

Everyone collects the toys, including me. The problem isnt that adults wont buy them, they do. It’s making a movie too dark and scary for children at all is now off the table.

As proof I offer this- the best movie outside the original series is still Revenge of the Sith, the only PG-13 Star Wars movie ever. It was not considered profitable and its the “Temple of Doom” of the franchise. Different and interesting but not as successful and much ignored.

So you don’t really learn anything from making a chance-y but good movie. Another way to fairly assess the movies also gets closed off.

No chances are taken with Star Wars movies at all. The spark is gone. The New York Times accused the Solo movie of being a movie about a Wikipedia page. Its not unfair at all. There were few surprises in Solo.
Feedback Loop of Yes-Men

The Phantom Menace was terrible because NO ONE could criticize George Lucas to his face. The Internet made him anonymous again. He has never spoken of it but he was definitely going online like everyone else and he saw some biting criticisms. To his credit he seems to have listened. Im sure the first few hours were horrible for him though.

You can see Lucas’ effort to literally Un-Fuck the problems of Episode 1 in Episode 2. By Episode 3 he had re-set the stage for a truly good movie in Return of the Sith. I think Lucas absolutely was letting the fans have their way and its probably out of shame when he himself realizes he screwed the pooch with Episode 1.

Once Lucas is gone this lesson leaves with him.
No Failure Analysis

The fans are not honest with themselves when the movie is bad. this stops anyone from killing things that don’t work because most people are followers.

Don’t be a Follower. Solo, for example, has so many problems that exist outside center screen that it’ll be analyzed to death. They’re real.
Pure CGI Infatuation

CGI has been a blessing and a curse for the movie industry. In one sense wow, we can have a city wiped out by a flood or a snowstorm. Its freeing but in Sci-Fi its cut both ways and led some aspects of movie making right off a cliff creatively.

Its a lot of power to be able to use a CGI spectacle to bail out a medicore movie. That means movies that once wouldnt get made at all get made anyway with big special effects budget. Overall the worst thing its done its made for a lot of lazy shortcuts in otherwise good movies.

Star Wars goes through the same temptations and issues. And In the Galaxy Far, Far Away the problems also existed because, after all, its in Hollywood.

While Lucas got KILLED for the problems of the character Jar Jar Binks, the critics deem him as an ‘acceptable” effect and it starts us down a path of Pure CGI creatures. Most of the time the Pure CGI creature is simply too easy to create and ends up being mediocre.

They just never reach the level of believeability that Peter Jackson consistently manages to achieve.
Lazy Alien, Ship and Weapon Creation & the Tragedy of the Golden Army

A few scars, a helmet and some breathing issues and you’ve got yourself a bad guy. There no more to it than that. Technology may have simply enabled the developers to the point where they became the opposite of Creative.

Should the Alien Invasion ever occur we will all be shocked and angry if the alien race isn’t essentially the aliens from Hellboy, Hellboy 2: the Golden Army. and Pan’s Labyrinth.  These aliens were simply Reused in the Avengers. They pull all aliens is a similar direction.

What we are now confronted with is the proto-type aliens we see a lot now were created by Guillermo Del Toro.  They are/were great, but this vision has now made the rounds Lets face it, refugees from Pans Labyrinth and deserters from the Golden Army show up all over the place. They’ve inspired a lot of “Boss” Aliens. The thing is both Hellboy movies and Pans Labyrinth are populated with things like actual, working gags. The Star Wars movies really can’t boast this of late. In fact Last Jedi misfired 2 jokes in a row (to start BOTH Storylines) in the most ramshackle movie yet.

The Golden Army has no apparent Veterans Administration or benefits. Seems they all became Intergalactic Blackwater guys when the Golden Army lets them go. I dont know but lets maybe get them their own movie again and move on in other franchises? This is a whole post of its own one day.

The laziness and enablement that gets us so many dull aliens spills over to affect all aspects of production. Starships and aliens also too often get short creative shrift.

It’s a real issue in Solo, outside the Heroes Weapons and Starships are Under-Developed. Again its due to the ease of which any vision can be created.

Think of it this  way – when the original movie opens in 1977 every single weapon was awesome and had a great sound to it. Han’s blaster, the storm trooper rifles, the Death Star’s main weapon. All wins. This starts to go away slowly in the prequels, but the guns still reflect the characters and the sounds of the weapons remains excellent. Not so much anymore.

In the SOLO Movie every weapon but the main characters, which were leftover from Lucas, was bland and boring. Only ships like the Falcon and TIE fighters are actually good. Most obviously- Beckett’s ship was just 3 rectangles!

Because they’ve developed so many aliens theres a point where Aliens are no longer Alien. We’re just too familiar with Galaxies Far, Far Away.
Many Successful Parodies

After Spaceballs the Star Wars Parodies kept coming. Most were good and that just makes it harder then ever to make a serious Star Wars movie. Basically the open of The Last Jedi is so awful it seems like a moment from Spaceballs because any attempt at humor will evoke the parodies.

A similar thing happens to a lesser degree when Star Trek was confronted with Galaxy Quest. For some reason the effects arent as bad. This might because Galaxy Quest was actually a pretty respectful parody.

Last- I have a prediction.
Marvel and Star Wars Look The Same and WILL Crossover

Yup. I said it. I do not think the people involved can ignore the fact that theres a crossover between these universes that will result in the Hugest Box Office take of All Time when “Star Wars Meets the Avengers”. It CAN NOT NOT HAPPEN. It WILL eventually be made. The SOLO movie made for 3 of the last 4 releases simply being bad. So the franchise is a tad desperate too. They may welcome Tony Stark or one of his buddies.

When the franchise is finally deemed to be Underperforming they will crossover the Universes. Don’t believe me” Marvel has had Star Wars rights since 1977. No one will be able to handle this fact. Consider Thor- Ragnorak a test balloon for the Marvel – Star Wars Crossover

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Why I Have a Good Feeling about the ‘Solo’ Movie (and you should too!)

25 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by therealmcteag in Star Wars Solo Movie Predictions, Uncategorized, Why I'm Seeing The Solo Movie and you should too

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a new hope, alden ehrrenreich, chewbacca, Donald Glover, ewan macgregor, George lucas, Han Solo, jj abrams, Lando, millenium falcon, obi wan kenobi, obiwan kenobi, predictions for solo a star wars story, red cup, Ron howard, solo movie, solo movie final theory, Solo Movie Millenium Falcon different, Solo Movie No Spoilers, Solo movie Predictions, solo movie review, solo movie trailer, Solo predictions a star wars story, Star Wars Solo Movie, why solo movie is probably good, Why you should see Solo Movie, will Solo Movie be any good?, Woody Harrelson

Han-Solo-Movie-Trailer-College-Football-National-Championship.jpg

With under just days to go until I sit down in my local theater (with my cell phone turned OFF) I’m EXCITED for the Solo movie! While the current 70-ish% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes isn’t the greatest, its still the mark of a pretty decent movie.

I predict the Solo movie will be good, or at least better than some of the scathing haters are saying. It’s not really an Abrams production for one thing. So thankfully we don’t have to worry about his fixation on Tropes and the fact his movies are merely strong beginnings that disintegrate to self important nonsense. The Star Trek franchise turned in its most enjoyable movie by far (Star Trek:Beyond) the moment Abrams was out of the ‘creative’ loop.

And we wont have to worry about Abrams unbreakable pattern of treating original characters as mostly comic relief with zero respect towards the sentiment of the fans. It looks like the Han Solo in the movie is someone you’d have a beer (or Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster) with.

The success of Rogue 1 is big source of hope for SOLO.  Like Rogue 1 it wont have The First Order or Kylo Ren, so thats great right there. There could be a cameo from almost anyone, but maybe Obi-Wan makes the most sense as there’s probably some time spent on Tattooine in this movie.

The way it looks now the Solo Movie is worth risking the 15 bucks.

Every Trailer was good. So theres that. The director is Ron Howard, so we can take some confidence in that too. Donald Glover looks perfect as Lando and it seems we’ve got the good ol’ Millenium Falcon in the mix.

The Falcon looks a bit different in this movie. Here’s some conjecture –  the Falcon seems to feature a ‘connected’ leading edge thats no longer the same when we see the ship in Episode 4. Could it be some sort of ejectable cargo bay? This would explain why its not there when Jabba is routing Solo for dumping his cargo.  Or it could just be before “a lot of special modifications” Han mentions in “A New Hope” that he and Chewie added on themselves. In other words they re-built the thing before Episode 4.

{Is it worth mentioning the ship has the gap in the leading edge seen from in Episode 4 on in the cameo’s it has in the prequels, as far away and tiny as it is? Probably not but hey I have to get something out of listening to the director, writer and special effects peoples commentary for the prequels!}

the-brand-new-millennium-falcon-corellian-freighter-solo-a-star-wars-story-hi-res-model-1-768x432

the Solo Movie’s Falcon

The new Han Solo, Alden Ehrenreich, very much looks the part and seemed appropriately breezy and loose in the trailer. While he doesn’t quite have Harrison Ford’s voice it’s still acceptable.  He sounds enough like Harrison for it not to be jarring.

Woody Harrelson is of some concern, but after his recent Planet of the Apes Bad Guy turn he seems like a decent Sci-Fi actor. The Apes character wasn’t all that great and he still pulled it off, a good sign. If you want to throw in decent performances playing not so great characters you’ve got the Hunger Games movies too. So Woody shouldn’t be an issue as a Sci-Fi actor. We’ve got some evidence he can adjust his acting style out of the very serious roles we’re more accustomed to and deliver in Sci-Fi roles.

Wild prediction – A Kessel Run movie would be great and could leave us at the moment Solo enters A New Hope the Creature Cantina. While this would e great it would sort of rule out any more Solo movies so maybe they go further back. The trailer seems to indicate it revolves around meeting Lando and obtaining ownership of an apparently slightly different looking Falcon.

Last Point – As Han Solo makes a few statements about not believing in the Force in A New Hope this should be a relatively Force-free movie. I mean if Han sees someone levitate or shoot lightning out of their hands we’ve got continuity issues.

Here’s the latest Trailer I could find-

 

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