Celebrating his recent Total Victory in The War on Christmas, General Bone Spurs has ordered the nations military to parade around saluting him.

So far the parade sounds like a bad mashup of a Nazi Documentary meets HMS Pinafore in an avoidable AMTRAK style train wreck. Who needs crazy social experiments like  Meals on Wheels when life can simply take on somewhat more phony dignity? Certainly feels like the part of Animal Farm where daily, coordinated displays of pride are substituted for things like food and time off to me.

So Comrade Napoleon-I mean Trump, will waste a ton of tax payer cash to stroke his ego and finally (in his mind)  put to rest questions about him being a fuckin coward too scared to fight in Nam.

Look at the man and ask yourself “Did he handle losing his hair well? Better than say, someone I would actually trust with my money? Or my kids?” The answers no. I’m not sure I could so much as rent an apartment from a person with a hair helmet who chose to go out covered in orange body paint. Trump is a man so vain he couldn’t stand the thought of people NOT thinking he spent most of his time lying around in the sun while simultaneously pretending to be a work-a-holic with little time for pleasure. Yes America, you voted in a complete asshole. Probably. Unless it was Putin, who knows? Now he needs to see all his toys at once.

The parade could be even sillier than I’ve so far imagined. For instance, 500 tanks rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue followed by 500 more Missiles all grinding the asphalt into a bunch of hellish slabs for our brave soldiers to stumble through while presumably Seig Heil-ing King Shit (who we already know will set up the reviewing stand in front of his stupid DC hotel). 

Trump’s own petulance and lack of any sensitivity towards people will have to be planned around to avoid embarrassng gaffes. Some of the many many problems are easy to foresee. Top of my head? Ok, what of the gay and trans-gendered troops forced march around in this stupid step show? Will our bigot president allow it? Imagine his seething anger if he catches sight of anything that displeases him. He could easily explode in anger if-

• there’s a large contingent of female Marines.
•  Or maybe a couple of transgendered Army Doctors.
• Or should he spot one of the Gold Star Families he so despises.
• Or if it rains.
• Or if there’s a protest (there will be a protest).
• Or worse.

And lets not forget that Trump will, as always, be grinding several axes when the parade goes down. Will he attack NFL players? Or be brooding over election results (it IS in November). Will he make a speech where he directly says that the Democrats are murderers and treasonous again? Rest assured the Divider-In-Chief will find a way to embarrass the military and all of the citizens with any brains.

We have a long, shameful path to walk before this proposed nightmare in November. With any luck someone at the Pentagon will remember its the 100th Anniversary of the End of World War I and provide some cover for this naked celebration of Trump. A tasteful WWI commemoration is a great way out of this mess. Sadly it would end up as a celebration of a Segregated Military and probably a full throated call to militarism in the hands of these jackasses.